


Damage

by byunbaeks



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, Canon Compliant, Drug Use, Fluff, Love, M/M, OT12 (EXO), OT9 (EXO), Post-EXO, Real Life, References to Depression, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-04-12 12:13:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19131817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byunbaeks/pseuds/byunbaeks
Summary: It is the year 2025. EXO had disbanded three years ago. No hard feelings, no blame, no grand finale.Chanyeol was positive that everything had come to a close, that he had inflicted damage beyond repair, not just onto the group but also to someone he used to hold so dear. It was a name that had vanished from his life on the same day his idol life did, three years back.But on that first day of the new year, Chanyeol was sent hurtling back down memory lane by a single emoji of autumn leaves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written an EXO fic in at least 5 years and this is my first ChanBaek fic. Having read a hugeeee number of ChanBaek fics recently, I've decided to contribute to the stash, as much as I'm aware that this ship might actually be one of the ships that claim the largest proportion of kpop fanfics in the history of fics HAHA  
> Anyhow, here's to a nice little chaptered fic based on a part-reality timeline of a post-EXO era. But of course, fingers crossed they'll stay together forever D; I've stanned EXO since 2012, ever since they first debuted so yes, I used to be an OT12 fan but whatever is left of EXO is whatever I will learn to love!  
> To all you EXO-Ls, old and new, hope you enjoy this fic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;  
> ‘happy new year,’ it began, ‘sorry for the late greeting, but i hope londons treating you well.’  
> ‘Late’? Chanyeol sneered. ‘Late’ would be a 5-minute delay, maximum 2 hours or a day. ‘Late’ wasn’t three years. But again, who was he to blame Baekhyun. It was no one’s fault but his own.

‘3! 2! 1! Happy new year!’ The crowd bellowed as fireworks shot up into the cloudy sky. Within milliseconds, the blue expanse bloomed into shades of crimson, burgundy, neon yellow. The lettering ‘2-0-2-5’ flashed blindingly on the billboard next to the London Eye. It had been 3 years since Chanyeol had left, 3 years since he had been a coward.

Chanyeol had moved to London 3 years ago and life had not been all rainbows and butterflies to say the least. True, he did have the occasional acquaintance from his music-making days, the odd DJ he had collaborated with before, and even an eccentric aunt who was kind enough to lend him her dingy flat for as long as he wished. But other than that, Chanyeol had been left to his own devices. Retrospectively, Chanyeol thought as he stood with his head perched on one hand looking across the River Thames, perhaps he had deliberately chosen this reclusive life. Perhaps he had chosen to flee to the other side of the globe because there was no one he knew, or even better, no one who knew him.

The crowds had begun to dissipate, crawling like ants into dimly lit tube stations. Even the bucket-hatted policemen who were busy with crowd-control had left their stations. All that was left was a ton of garbage strewn on the concrete, a testament to a night well-celebrated.

‘New year, huh?’ A raspy voice sounded from behind Chanyeol. He spun around. A homeless man was sitting behind him, tattered duvet and plastic bowl of coins intact. ‘New year, huh?’ The man repeated. Chanyeol had never been the type to speak to strangers. His chattiness had left him 3 years ago, the spark drained from his being once he had made up his mind to board the plane for London. Ignoring the man, Chanyeol took another sip from his can of beer to find it empty and hurled it at a bin to his right. A crisp rattle indicated that it was a clean shot. The man from behind him clapped.

‘Someone’s starting the year right,’ the man chuckled, ‘Perfect shot, perfect year.’

‘I should hope so,’ Chanyeol murmured absentmindedly, still staring into the abyss which had now identified itself as a small cargo ship cruising along the Thames. The figures 2-0-2-5 were still glimmering in the distance. Seoul was 8 hours ahead which meant that the new year had revealed itself over there way before it was celebrated in London.

Chanyeol was being stupid and even he knew himself, but he couldn’t suppress the old habit of scrolling through his inbox. There was the random ‘Happy New Year’ text attached to various promotion messages, a ‘Come home soon’ text from his family but aside from that, nothing. Just as it had been every single year. Chanyeol stuffed his phone into his back pocket and turned around to face the old man who was now counting his stash of coins. ‘Happy new year,’ Chanyeol smiled weakly and bent down to stuff a £20 note into the man’s hands, ‘Go grab yourself a thicker jacket tomorrow. It’s going to be a harsh winter.’ And with that, Chanyeol scurried into the flickering tube station entrance.

 

* * *

 

 

Chanyeol was greeted by a mind-splitting headache the next morning. I must truly be ageing, he thought. Back in Seoul just several years ago, Chanyeol used to be the life of the party, spending countless nights in an underground club known amongst his fellow idol colleagues as ‘Lux’, short for 'luxury', that was designed just for artists like himself. He still had vivid memories of the bar that was lined with only the best vodka, wine, whisky, you name it. The bar stools were almost never occupied as all the k-pop idols let loose on the dance floor. It was their only chance of indulgence, their only stress-outlet. It was a secret that remained unknown under their façade of innocence and purity.

Chanyeol could still remember a fan war he read once in the comments section of one of their new MVs. Apparently, someone had spotted a ‘Chanyeol-lookalike’ in Hongdae, drunk and high, but it wasn’t long before his army of fans swarmed into the comments section and flooded the witness with ‘dislikes’ and harsh words in his defence. Chanyeol already knew, at that time, that the claimed drunkard was indeed him. He had crawled out of Lux in the depths of Hongdae woozy and intoxicated, forgetting to inform his manager of his departure as they were told to. He wasn’t high alright as all but alcohol was strictly prohibited, but he had been drunk to the core. It was all part of the idol life, leading a separate persona behind closed doors and it used to terrify him just thinking about the possibility of his ugly self being exposed one day. Would his fans still have his back? Would he be shoved into the imaginary ‘SM basement’, never to make a comeback? Chanyeol used to break into cold sweat in his nightmares just at the thought of it. But nevertheless, the risk was one that was calculated, one that everyone in the industry was willing to take.

 

Chanyeol stretched his arms and yawned as his plodded into the kitchen. There had been leftovers from three nights ago, one-third of a roast chicken and two scoops of mash. The clock showed 9:30 am but Chanyeol couldn’t afford to be picky for breakfast. The five (or was it six?) cans of beer had left him very much starving.

In the depths of his home, Chanyeol bore an uncanny resemblance of the homeless man from the night before, but if one were to meet Chanyeol outside, he would have seemed like the most pleasant young man, educated and by foreigners’ standards, exotic, his accented English slurring slightly at certain words. Chanyeol was, afterall, a world-reknown musician. At least he used to be.

At a gathering years back when he was still in Seoul, his high school friends had already teased him about how he was secured for life, able to live the life of royals even if he had stopped working then and there. True to their word, Chanyeol was more than comfortable, his closet brimming with designer goods, a Benz perched in the parking lot and a Tesla permanently lent to an old friend out of town. But there was nothing in his demeanour that showed any of that wealth. London was a city that was more convenient on foot and his branded items rarely made an appearance save for the occasional birthday party he was invited to.

Having led the life of luxury back in Seoul, Chanyeol was ready to lay down low. No more cameras, no more crowds of squealing fans. Just himself. Chanyeol owed that much to Baekhyun. The name sent a nauseating wave through his mind, so intense it physically hurt. Baekhyun. How one word could contain so much guilt and fear, Chanyeol would never know. Chanyeol didn’t deserve to be happy, not even in this far-off land, half a globe away from Seoul. How could he, when he was the one that destroyed it all?

 

A daintily-carved wooden bird sprung from the cuckoo-clock by the window, wrenching Chanyeol back to reality. 10 am. As if on cue, his phone buzzed. Fishing it out from his jeans pocket (yes, he had forgotten to change, grossly passing out on top of his duvet the night before), he stared in shock at the pulsing phone: _‘1 new message’_ it said. _‘Sender: Byun Baek’_.

Open it, a voice echoed in Chanyeol’s head, what are you waiting for dumbass? Open the damn message.

As if one surprise message wasn’t enough, Chanyeol’s phone buzzed a second time. This time the sender was well-apparent. _‘1 new message. Sender: Kyungsoo’_. Chanyeol tapped on the newest message.

 _‘If you’re still staring at Baekhyun’s message like the fucking idiot you used to be then GROW A PAIR AND OPEN THE DAMN THING’._ Ouch. Kyungsoo had always been able to read Chanyeol like an open book.

All these years when Chanyeol had been away, his members had by and large kept in touch, some more so than others. Kyungsoo was one of the frequent guests that appeared in his inbox, Skype, DMs, you name it. Sehun was another, but much less welcomed than Kyungsoo. Their youngest never seemed to grow up, not even… not even after the group disbanded three years ago. Chanyeol still remained one of Sehun’s most trusted older brothers and the dear boy was still as whiny as ever. The other members still kept Chanyeol updated and no one blamed him for what he had done to the group three years ago which was all the more reason why Chanyeol was still cooped up in this flurry of guilt. He had once wished his members would yell at him, unleash all of hell’s fury at his selfishness but it never once happened. Years later he had accepted it but the part of him that remained indebted to those eight brothers of his never left. Chanyeol was on the whole reasonably satisfied and relieved with where his ex-members ended up. Some remained in the music industry, some rose to administration in SM and others ventured into other areas to pursue their long-abandoned dreams. All but one. All but Baekhyun. It was like a sore patch that the other seven members never dared mention, always carelessly trailing off once anything had to do with Baekhyun... At least it had been so, up until Kyungsoo’s heartless text message, the first time in three years.

Kyungsoo’s message was still glaring at him.

 _‘Happy new year to you too bro.’_ Chanyeol punched ‘send’.

 _‘Don’t play dumb with me, Park. OPEN THAT DAMN MESSAGE or I’ll personally ask Baek to "unsend" it.'_ Shit. Kyungsoo was back at it with his threats again.

Chanyeol scrolled a message down to the one marked: _‘Sender: Byun Baek’_. Let’s just read it and get it over with, he thought.

 

 _‘happy new year,’_ it began, _‘sorry for the late greeting, but i hope londons treating you well.’_

‘Late’? Chanyeol sneered. ‘Late’ would be a 5-minute delay, maximum 2 hours or a day. ‘Late’ wasn’t three years. But again, who was he to blame Baekhyun. It was no one’s fault but his own. Focusing on the message once more, it struck Chanyeol that it had been eons since he had received a message from Baekhyun, but he would never forget the way the older boy texted – all in lowercase, even the ‘I’s, and devoid of punctuation. ‘How was I supposed to understand this???’ Chanyeol remembered charging into Baekhyun’s recording studio in frustration, waving an unparagraphed, unpunctuated, 30-lined message in the shorter boy’s face. Baekhyun had laughed in amusement and merely patted Chanyeol on the back, saying, ‘If you can get used to the sounds I make when I eat with my mouth open, you can get used to the way I text.’ What Chanyeol would give to receive a 30-lined message from Baekhyun again.

At the end of the woefully concise message was a single emoji. The emoji depicted two autumn leaves wafting downwards, one after the next. They used to have a secret system of emojis, just in case their phone screens were caught on camera or in case they were ever picked on at SM’s notorious spot checks. It was a coded system they had devised one bored December night back in the first year of EXO’s establishment.

 

 

> It all happened when Kris and Tao, two of their ex-members, were almost exposed by a media outlet, insinuating that the pair seemed to be ‘more than friends’. SM was notified and action was taken to muffle the news. After all, the company would never risk their burgeoning rookie group, not even for a scandal that seemed so unbelievable to the public eye. Kris and Tao were punished: no lunches and dinners for a whole week and five extra hours of practice per day. It was that exact week that Chanyeol and Baekhyun, still roommates and innocent rookies, joked about creating their own secret emoji system.
> 
> ‘You don’t want the company to find out how much I loooooooooveeeeee you, do you?’ Chanyeol cooed teasingly as he lunged at Baekhyun who was sprawled on the bed opposite.
> 
> ‘Geerrofff meee!’ Baekhyun hollered, smothered in sheets and limbs.
> 
> Chanyeol got up and perched next to Baekhyun. ‘Hey,’ he said, poking the elder.
> 
> ‘I have a name you know, Chanyeol,’ Baekhyun rolled his eyes, ‘Alternatively, you can call me “hyung”,’ he smirked.
> 
> ‘Yeah, you can dream all you want, it’s never happening,’ Chanyeol retorted. They were both 92-liners and as much as Baekhyun had practically begged Chanyeol to address him as his elder, the younger wouldn’t budge. ‘You can choose from Baekhyun, Baek, Baekhyunnie or Byun Baek,’ Chanyeol had announced. They had settled with ‘anything but Byun Baek’ and Chanyeol then made a mental note to call him exactly that whenever the older pissed him off.
> 
> ‘Hey,’ Chanyeol poked Baekhyun once more, ‘How ‘bout we make our own secret code so the company won’t find out when we diss it.’ The two youngsters had thought that it was the most ingenious idea and before long, they had in place a thread of ‘codes’ in place: duck emojis stood for ‘fuck’ (because Baekhyun thought it was the closest replacement alphabetically). Chocolate bar emojis stood for ‘let’s sneak out for snacks tonight’ (because Baekhyun was a complete sucker for sweets). Strawberry emojis stood for ‘wait for me to walk back after practice (because Baekhyun said strawberries smelt like home).
> 
> ‘We need one for “I love you”’, Chanyeol had joked, pretending to plant a kiss on Baekhyun's cheek just to be shoved away before he managed to get up close.
> 
> ‘Oh shut up, you idiot,’ Baekhyun had retorted.
> 
> ‘Come onnnnnnn,’ Chanyeol whined, ‘Who knows, we might just need it some day!’
> 
> ‘Not on my death bed. I’ll never need it.’
> 
> ‘It’s settled, the puppy emoji’s going to be our “I love you”,’ Chanyeol declared.
> 
> ‘Why puppy?’
> 
> ‘Because you look like one. If you’re never going to use it, then I’ll just suit myself. Might as well use an emoji of something I love.’
> 
> ‘No wonder you fare so well with the girls at Lux,’ Baekhyun had remarked.
> 
> ‘Tell me you’re just the slightest bit touched,’ Chanyeol nudged the elder.
> 
> ‘”Touched” my ass,’ Baekhyun barked.
> 
> ‘Gladly,’ Chanyeol guffawed.
> 
> ‘PARK CHANYEOL GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTT!!’

  
None of the other members had even bothered to check on them, even with all the commotion, for they were all used to their roommate antics. No one could get on Baekhyun’s nerves as much as Chanyeol could, but just as well, no one could ever be as close with Baekhyun as Chanyeol could either. Not in a million years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed this light intro! A large part of this chap was dedicated to laying down the groundwork because it's a bit of a reverse timeline slash recollection fic, up until our timelines merge in later chapters, so do bear with. But I still hope you found the background details cute because I love writing fluffy anecdotes amidst all the angst. Oh and as you can probably guess, I'm quite a fan of angst so you've been warned, this one will grow angstier by the chapter :'D  
> Do leave kudos and comments! - I promise to reply to each and every one of your comments and it makes me so happy to hear feedback from you guys!
> 
> Lots of love xx


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;  
> 3 missed calls from home and 2 messages, one from Minseok and another from… from ‘Byun Baek’?
> 
> The exhaustion that had plagued him subsided in a snap and in its place stood a mixture of anticipation and unease. As much as Chanyeol wished for a reply, he knew deep down that he didn’t deserve one and he was afraid, afraid of the damage he would inflict upon the other again if he did give in and worm his way back into Baekhyun’s life. The safest option was to stay away.

Chanyeol’s microwaved breakfast of chicken and mash had already gone cold but no attention was paid to it. Even the words that lay in front of the ‘autumn leaves’ emoji had been blurred from Chanyeol’s focus. Chanyeol racked his brains for the meaning of the emoji but none came up. He was positive that Baekhyun and himself had never come up with a settled meaning for ‘autumn leaves’ and eventually, he could only conclude in resigned defeat that it was a typo.

Weirdly, Chanyeol’s first instinct was to reply to Kyungsoo’s message: _‘Yes ma’am, I’ve read it. Jeez, who do you take me for?’_

 _‘Bluff all you want, I know you were one step away from completely ignoring it’_ was the reply. Damn it Kyungsoo.

 _‘Now reply.’_ A new message from Kyungsoo instructed. What the hell was he supposed to reply? Chanyeol made a face at his screen. He could go with the default ‘Happy new year to you too. Hope all is well in Seoul.’ but it would basically be a mocking rendition of what Baekhyun had sent him. Nope. He could reply with a normal smiley face emoji and perhaps one of those chain messages that weree still popping up in his group chats. Nope, way too cold.

 _‘Do you need me to spoonfeed you????’_ Yet another text from Kyungsoo, ‘ _Shall I fly over to London and type the damn message out for you?????’_

 _‘I’M WORKING ON IT!’_ Chanyeol snarled as he punched in a reply.

After what seemed like hours of typing and deleting, Chanyeol ended up with: _‘Happy new year to you too (smiley face)! New year’s always insane over here! All the best in 2025 in everything you do!’_ Chanyeol proofread his reply twice and noted the excessive use of exclamation marks, somehow thinking it appropriate to give off an I’m-doing-well-who-needs-to-come-back-to-Seoul-to-have-a-good-time kind of vibe. He had no idea why he felt it was necessary to prove himself to Baekhyun but if this was a mind game, Chanyeol couldn’t let Baekhyun win.

Sent.

 

* * *

 

Two days had passed and there had been no response from Baekhyun. The tension Chanyeol had harboured shortly after replying to the elder had nearly dissipated. In those two days, apart from Kyungsoo’s occasional taunts and between-the-lines reminders to keep warm and stay safe, Chanyeol’s inbox remained largely surprise-free.

One would always expect a massive turn of events after the new year, some miraculous visible change, a growth spurt, a matured mentality, a sign of all misfortunes rectified. Yet every year, the same old continued – the five-day work week rewarded by two short holidays, piles upon piles of work to be completed, racing to work during the 9 am rush hour and being crammed like tinned tunas. The change of a digit from 2024 to 2025 didn’t change anything either. Chanyeol was still Chanyeol, still slaving away in his home office, fixated on his computer screen and fumbling with a software, trying his best to meet ridiculous deadlines. Chanyeol had always taken a liking toward music-making, not so much being on the frontlines as his old idol self did, but rather creating the tracks. He had recently been commissioned to produce a remix for a well-known British artist whose career had plateaued after releasing that one hit single. Ironically, Chanyeol was requested to do a rendition of that very song, as if it wasn’t that exact single that caused the artist’s career to go stale.

A few more hours of tweaking the grooves and inserting basses in the background, Chanyeol had decided that it was a futile project. The song was exhausted already, both to him and to the public palate – it would never make it onto charts anymore.

Picking up his phone, Chanyeol toggled his settings and freed his phone from airplane mode. If there was one thing that he hated more than his task at hand, it would have to be hearing his phone buzz while he was working. Perhaps it was why all his ex-members were so astounded that Chanyeol could bear sharing a room with Baekhyun who was only the loudest of them all. Chanyeol could still hear Baekhyun’s roars when he won (or mostly, lost) a video game, or the ruckus he made when he chomped his breakfast in bed with his mouth open, or the incessant chatter because Baekhyun couldn’t stand the room being quiet, not even for a second. If anyone had thought Chanyeol was a handful, then they had definitely not met Baekhyun, because if Chanyeol was an 8 out of 10 on the scale of chaos, Baekhyun would no doubt be an off-the-charts 2000.

As expected, Chanyeol’s phone buzzed. 3 missed calls from home and 2 messages, one from Minseok and another from… from ‘Byun Baek’?

The exhaustion that had plagued him subsided in a snap and in its place stood a mixture of anticipation and unease. As much as Chanyeol wished for a reply, he knew deep down that he didn’t deserve one and he was afraid, afraid of the damage he would inflict upon the other again if he did give in and worm his way back into Baekhyun’s life. The safest option was to stay away.

Clicking into Minseok’s message, Chanyeol was told that his sister was getting married next month and apparently, all nine of them were invited to attend. The nine of them used to joke about being each other’s best man if and when they finally got married. They had decided to go around by age: Suho would be Minseok’s best man, Baekhyun Suho’s, Chanyeol Baekhyun’s and so on. It had been years since they were all invited to the same wedding, not since their manager had gotten married five years ago.

In his message, Minseok apologized to Chanyeol for not having asked him first, but informed Chanyeol that he had promised his sister that all nine of them would not only attend but also perform a rendition of ‘Beautiful’, the OST of their webdrama back in 2015. Chanyeol still remembered listening to it for the first time, how fluid and angelic Baekhyun sounded, effortlessly hitting the high notes and singing with such emotion he almost couldn’t believe it was performed by the annoying brat he called his roommate.  _‘Come back, Chanyeol. You know my sister’s your biggest fan haha, take it as her wedding gift! She says she misses you, we all do.’_ , wrote Minseok.

Chanyeol held his breath as he clicked on the next message from Baekhyun: _‘sorry for the delay again, i did want to reply sooner. anyway, minseok’s sister is getting married next month, thought you might want to make a trip back.’_

That’s it? Chanyeol blinked at the screen. A near replica of Minseok’s message and that was it? Hell, he could well have gotten all that information from Minseok himself and it would save Baekhyun all the trouble of paraphrasing! Did it really take two whole days for that prick to come up with that simple reply? Where was that cocky asshole he used to room with? Pssht.

Scrolling to the end, there was the emoji again: autumn leaves. It couldn’t have been a typo agagin, but what the hell was that even supposed to mean? Chanyeol huffed. He tossed his phone onto the couch and returned to work on the despicable mess of a project.

 

* * *

 

 

In the following weeks, their long-abandoned group chat was gradually revived, with Minseok urging the other eight to mark his sister’s big day on their schedules.

 

_Jongdae: Marked_

_Sehun: Ditto_

_Junmyeon: Feb 14, right? Noted. (Sent from Suho’s Blackberry)_

~~Chanyeol wouldn’t be surprised if the sender was actually Suho’s secretary, to be honest. Suho was a busy man, being in the administration of SM and all.~~

_Jongin: Can I bring my pup too? Don’t worry, I’ll have him on a leash_

_Yixing: Sorry, can’t make it! Album’s coming out the day after, gotta be in Beijing for it! Send my wishes to your sis, Minseok! I’ll be there for the baby shower! ;)_

_Kyungsoo: Got it. PAAAAARK CHANYEOL I’D BETTER SEE YOUR SORRY ASS!_

~~Chanyeol grunted. Kyungsoo wasn’t the only one who dared send him death threats but his were the only ones Chanyeol took seriously.~~

_And last but not least,_

_Byun Baek: ill be there_

_Minseok: Baekhyun, you sure?_

_Byun Baek: wouldnt miss a chance to show off my ost would i?_

_Minseok: You’re the best bro. Take care._

_Kyungsoo: PARK_

_Kyungsoo: CHAN_

_Kyungsoo: YEOL_

~~Chanyeol could virtually hear Kyungsoo’s voice and see the pulsing veins protruding from his neck whenever he got agitated and it was not a pretty sight.~~

_You: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, I’LL BE THERE!_

_Minseok: <3_

_Junmyeon: <3_

_Jongdae: <3_

_Kyungsoo: Fucking idiot_

_Jongin: Can’t wait, hyung <3_

_Sehun: Ditto_

 

Following the head count, Minseok spammed the group with links of the OST, starting with the official version sung by Baekhyun. It felt like old times – Minseok and Junmyeon, the dutiful older brothers, Kyungsoo the devil incarnate and Sehun the cocky maknae who perpetually replied with ‘ditto’s and emojis. Perhaps three years was enough to wash most of Chanyeol’s guilt away and perhaps he was ready to return to the bunch he called ‘family’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's always the most enjoyable to set the scene and get things going in the beginning, hence the incredibly quick update! 
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed this instalment!  
> And as usual, send kudos and comments!! 
> 
> Lots of love xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;  
> 알 수 없는 강한 이끌림  
> 너를 향한 나의 두날개  
> 펼쳐주고 싶어너의 미소에 내마음이 녹아내려  
> 눈이 마주쳤을땐  
> 두근거려  
> ;  
> With this mysterious and strong attraction  
> I want to spread my wings toward you  
> My heart melts at your smile  
> When our eyes meet  
> My heart pounds
> 
> \- 'Beautiful', Baekhyun (2015)

A light ‘whoosh’ could be heard as Chanyeol finally emailed the remix to his manager to send to the client. He had raced against the deadline because what was supposed to be a two-month project was tragically cut down to a month when Chanyeol notified his manager that he was to return to Seoul on the first week on February. ‘I really don’t give a rat’s ass where you’re going and when you’re going as long as you submit all the tasks at hand,’ his manager had mumbled without even looking up from his work.

It was half an hour before boarding and Chanyeol finally rose up from his seat in the airport lounge. The lounge was drunken on faint shades of pink and orange from the sunset. Chanyeol glanced around and was unsurprised to notice that he was the youngest in the room. Just slightly over 30 and he had earned his way into the first-class lounge, his net worth probably far exceeding all the other middle-aged business persons he shared the space with. Trudging out of the sliding doors, Chanyeol adjusted his baseball cap and threw on an oversized hoodie before making his way to the duty-free store. The wedding was to take place the very next day and Chanyeol would have to go directly to the hotel. Minseok’s family had always treated the other eight as if they were their own sons, so Chanyeol knew he couldn’t arrive at the venue empty-handed. Two rounds around the store and Chanyeol picked the newest fragrance that apparently was a London limited edition. Just as he was about to pay, he spotted a small tin can, on it were the words: ‘Waterproof plasters. Strawberry-scented.’ and next to the lettering, a drawing of a field of strawberries. Intuitively, he picked up the can and placed it on the counter together with the perfume. ‘That will be £200.90.’ Chanyeol paid up, dropped the purchases into his duffel bag and made his way toward the boarding gate.

 

* * *

 

 

The Hallyu wave had died down quite a bit ever since some of the major idol groups had disbanded over the years. Together with the idols who were approaching 30 and had one by one enlisted, starting with Minseok then Kyungsoo, their fanbase had shrunk considerably. Truth be told, Chanyeol was, to a certain extent, glad about the change and for the first time in over a decade, he could safely saunter out of the arrivals gate without being escorted by bodyguards to his left and right. If his fans had known Chanyeol would be returning to Seoul, no doubt there would still have been a commotion, but he had turned up unannounced, so apart from the odd passerby, there were few that noticed the return of the superstar.

Chanyeol flagged a cab and arrived at the hotel an hour before the ceremony. He could already spot a huddle of fans from afar, crowding at the entrance of the hotel, hoping to catch a glimpse of their ‘oppas’. It was an interesting sight. Chanyeol had left the Korean music scene for so long he had almost forgotten how boyband fans behaved, so endearing and frightening at the same time. It was also funny to see their fans age along with them: from young high school teens to the groomed women they were now, but nonetheless, still reserving a special place in their hearts for EXO, disbanded or otherwise, supporting their individual endeavours but dreaming about a day, much like this one, when they would all come together again.

Chanyeol hopped off the cab and snuck into the hotel via the back door. The second floor of the hotel was enclosed from the public and it was decorated with peonies, roses and hydrangeas. It was a truly glorious sight. The path that led to the banquet hall was sprinkled with flower petals, a cream-coloured carpet lining the length of the corridor. Peering into the banquet hall, Chanyeol could already spot Minseok darting around making final adjustments and the rest of EXO sitting on the steps of a choir-stand on the stage. The stand was to be used for the obligatory photo-taking session as well as their performance of ‘Beautiful’. Jongdae was busy tuning the guitar on stage while the other members seemed to be having fun on their own. Chanyeol walked in and quickly bowed in courtesy to Minseok’s parents, just to be met with a suffocating hug. ‘Chanyeol! You’re back! Look at you, you’ve shrunk by a whole size! Poor boy, what has London done to you!’ Minseok’s mom cooed.

Before long, Chanyeol could hear his members hollering from the stage as Minseok half hugged, half dragged him toward the band of hooligans. ‘Park Chanyeol!’, ‘Hyung!’, ‘Broooooo!’ Chanyeol had never known he bore so many titles as each of the members flung themselves onto him.

Junmyeon, the usual sentimental one, was seen suppressing tears as he enveloped Chanyeol in a wholehearted embrace, ‘We’ve all missed you. A lot.’

‘Well, well, well, look who we have here?’ Kyungsoo emerged from the crowd, ‘Finally back are we?’

Chanyeol turned to face the members and all of a sudden, was lost for words. All of them had aged visibly, not that they weren’t a sight to behold all the same, but time never spared a soul, not even the kings of Hallyu as they were once known. He didn’t know what to say and unsurprisingly, the first words that rolled out were, ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘

Huh?’ Sehun was the first to answer, ‘Sorry for what?’

Kyungsoo got the message in an instant and playfully hit him on the shoulder, ‘It’s been three years, Chanyeol. Even if you haven’t gotten past it, everyone else surely has so stop being a party pooper and… AND HAVE YOU MEMORISED YOUR LINES????’ Kyungsoo cut the sentimental monologue short.

Chanyeol was rooted to the ground in shock as the other members laughed from the stands.

‘If we’re to keep up our reputation, we’d better get this rehearsal started,’ Minseok clapped. ‘

We’re still missing our lead,’ Jongin remarked, tying the leash of his puppy onto a nearby chair. Of course Chanyeol had noticed. In fact, the very first thing that struck him was that Baekhyun was not in the hall.

If Chanyeol had imagined it, it sure was a momentary notion because just when he thought Kyungsoo and Minseok had suddenly tensed up at the mention of Baekhyun, the pair had jogged offstage in a bid to bring Baekhyun back and get the rehearsal rolling.

 

The remaining members sat around Chanyeol, probing him to tell them about his life in London.

‘Did you manage to go to a Chelsea match?’ Jongin piped.

‘Bro, ignore him, I swear Manu’s doing better this season,’ Jongdae countered.

‘I heard Paris is just an hour’s train ride from London! Have you ever just been for tea or something?’ Sehun asked.

‘Idiot. It’s at least 3 hours away even by Eurostar, get your facts straight,’ Suho whacked the back of Sehun’s head.

Chanyeol chuckled and his attention was soon diverted toward a small figure waddling towards him, flanked by Kyungsoo on the right and Minseok on the left. Kyungsoo had his arm around the smaller man’s waist and Chanyeol couldn’t help but wince because his last memory of the figure in the middle was quite different from what it was now.

As if the stage had suddenly been muted, a wave of silence swept over the members as their pupils darted toward the approaching figure and then back to Chanyeol.

There he was, Byun Baekhyun, the one whose every action and every word used to mean the world for Chanyeol. But he was also the one who broke Baekhyun’s heart into smithereens.

Baekhyun’s glance was fixated on the ground, eerily cautious of each and every step. Chanyeol could only gape at Baekhyun. If he was lost for words just now, he was doubly, if not triply anxious now. This was a sight that had appeared in Chanyeol’s dreams time and again. It started as a nightmare, pangs of guilt that rendered him sweating and breathless every time Baekhyun’s tear-soaked face appeared. Months later it was longing, a sense of regret for having left Seoul, wanting to hold him and touch him one last time. Then in recent years, all that was left was a sore aching that resurrected whenever Chanyeol so much as heard Baekhyun’s name from his members’ anecdotes or worse still, merely smelt the fruity scent of strawberries.  
Chanyeol wanted to tangibly capture the image in front of him. It was so beautiful, so divine and elegant, and so unlike the rowdy little boy he had shared a room with for most of his idol career.

The crescents of Baekhyun’s eyes were still curved in an inverted half-moon shape, his cheeks way less plump than before but still rosy pink, those lips of his thin and pursed, but as with his previous observations, Chanyeol knew time had taken its toll. Baekhyun’s jawline was more defined and the wallows of his cheeks more apparent.

After what seemed like centuries, Kyungsoo finally cleared his throat. ‘Great, now that we’re all here, let’s get started!’ He nodded toward the live band perched just under the stage and the intro resounded gently.

 

‘안녕 내게 다가와, 수줍은 향기를 안겨 주던 (Hello, you came to me, Giving me your shy scent in my hazy dream)’ Kyungsoo began. Chanyeol was taken by surprise because he had expected to hear Baekhyun’s voice. Kyungsoo continued for the rest of the verse.

When the chorus arrived, it was Jongdae’s turn, ‘너의 곁에 남아너의 미소에 내마음이 녹아내려 (I'll stay with you and smile in your smile),’ he sang and Chanyeol remembered how he used to be lowkey jealous of how effortless it was for Jongdae to hit the high notes.

It wasn’t until the line, ‘You’re beautiful’, that Chanyeol finally heard Baekhyun’s voice but he stopped just as quickly as he started, just that one line: ‘You’re beautiful’.

The rest of the song went by with few hiccups until it was Chanyeol’s turn. ‘알 수 없는 강한 이끌림, 너를 향한 나의 두날개, 펼쳐주고 싶어 (With this mysterious and strong attraction, I want to spread my wings toward you)’. To any of the vocals, the mid-range tone in this line would have been as easy as singing the ‘A-B-C’s, but to a rapper like Chanyeol who took pride in his rumbling bass and raspy voice, it was nearing on impossible. Four tries later and even Chanyeol himself was growing impatient.

‘I see it’s been a while since you last sang, eh?’ Suho joked, patting Chanyeol on the back.

‘I never could reach those notes!’ Chanyeol answered defensively.

Sehun nodded in sympathy, being a rapper himself.

Minseok chuckled, ‘How about we swap lines? I can do yours and you do mine.’

Chanyeol hesitated and located Minseok’s lines on the lyric sheet. ‘Aren’t yours pretty much the same range as mine though…’ Chanyeol sighed.

The ones who could reach those notes already consumed over two-thirds of the song and based on the fact that Minseok’s sister was such a huge fan of Chanyeol’s they didn’t want to disappoint and leave Chanyeol merely appearing in the chorus.

‘I think I just need a little support, to be honest,’ Chanyeol examined his lines once more. ‘I just need some help over here and here. The others I can handle.’

‘I can help with that,’ a voice piped up in front of him. It belonged to none other than Baekhyun.

‘No, Baekhyun, you stick with your own lines. I can help this dumbass,’ Kyungsoo volunteered, smacking Chanyeol’s shoulder with a folder.

‘Ow! Screw you, I agree with Baekhyun. Let him sing with me, he’s so line-deprived anyway. You guys practically looted all of his lines…’ Chanyeol said in protest, largely fighting against the injustice of being made Kyungsoo’s personal punching bag.

Kyungsoo glanced over at Baekhyun in concern, ‘Are you sure about this?’

Baekhyun grinned the widest grin Chanyeol had seen so far. ‘What’s not to be sure about? I haven’t sung a duet with Chanyeol all these years!’

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun who finally rose up from his spot at the edge of the stand and walked toward himself. Goodness, was he beautiful, Chanyeol thought. The audiovisual and lighting crew were fumbling with the stage effects and a beam of light hit Baekhyun midway. At that very moment, Chanyeol could swear he had seen an angel. Baekhyun’s pale complexion glistened under the artificial halo and his hair, which Chanyeol was used to seeing in an unkempt, messy clump, was now sleek and gelled back. To make matters worse, they were all suited up and Baekhyun stood out in particular as he was the only one who was lucky enough to be wearing a velvet suit. What a glorious and bewitching sight.

Chanyeol could hardly tear his gaze off Baekhyun if not for the live band that cued his entrance. ‘알 수 없는 강한 이끌림, 너를 향한 나의 두날개, 펼쳐주고 싶어 (With this mysterious and strong attraction, I want to spread my wings toward you)’. It was way easier this time as Baekhyun provided the support Chanyeol needed for those higher notes.

Baekhyun had shifted to stand next to Chanyeol for the purpose of allowing Chanyeol to grasp those notes but he was standing so fearfully close that it was driving Chanyeol mad. The smell he had grown so accustomed to over the years was wafting toward him. The sweet smell of strawberries that Baekhyun used to claim ‘smelt of home’ and not just that, but the cologne Baekhyun used to apply hadn’t changed.

The sudden attack on his senses, together with the angelic voice that slid beneath his own raspy tone, and Chanyeol knew that all the anticipation and longing these years were worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I'm just hoping that this fic will turn out into a simple post-EXO story with melancholic anecdotes on the side... I've been trying to cut the drama and just focus a lot more on the relationship (pre and post disbandment) between ChanBaek and now I miss them ;-; Who's a thirsty hoe for ChanBaek content like myself D':
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading as usual! Send kudos and comment xx 
> 
> P.S. 'Beautiful' is one of my favourites and I'll later cue 'Don't Go' which is my actual number one Kpop song <3  
> P.P.S. Baekhyun's new youtube channel gives me life - I spent 30mins watching his 6min44sec new vid last night because I kept replaying the cute bits omg


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;  
> Suddenly, Chanyeol heard a low hum: '난 몇 번이고 반하고, 사랑은 이렇게 나도 모르게, 예고도 없이 불시에 찾아와 (I fall for you several times, Love came to me without knowing, Without warning, suddenly)’. He froze. He could recognise the song anywhere. Apart from being one of the tracks in their first few albums, in this setting, this atmosphere, it reminded him of a promise he had single-handedly broken.

The ceremony started at 5:30 pm sharp. Three bridesmaids accompanied by three groomsmen led the procession as they walked in pairs, arm-in-arm. Even his members who were so used to having young women croon over their every move couldn’t help but spin around to catch a closer look, after all, the bridesmaids were undeniably attractive. Following that, a young flower girl no older than seven skipped close behind as she scattered pink petals like fairydust on the carpeted ground. Beside her was an equally young boy who ran as fast as his pudgy legs would carry him, trying to catch up while keeping the cushion and the rings atop it intact. It was a truly endearing sight. Finally, it was the bride’s turn to make an appearance. Chanyeol could sense the guests hold their breaths and then simultaneously release them, leaving a trail of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ as Minseok’s sister walked into the hall. She was in a sleeveless white gown that was lined with lace at the collarbone. The back of the gown dipped into a deep v-shape, revealing her slim figure and femininity. Her delicate figures were shrouded by a thin veil, wafting gently in the light breeze but one could still make out her expression of pure happiness and bliss.

Out of the corner of his eye, Chanyeol could see Baekhyun’s fists shiver and clench. Baekhyun was seated next to him but Chanyeol hadn’t dared look at him, not since their duet during the rehearsal. There were things that were better left unsaid, things that would fare better if left to time and history.

Chanyeol kept his gaze fixated on Minseok’s sister who was approaching the lucky groom by the alter. The man looked just as happy, if not even more so. He stood with his hands together in anticipation of both the beautiful woman and their married life before him.

The knuckles of Baekhyun’s fists had already turned white against his originally pale skin. His fingers still so delicate and pretty but there was a hint of aggression as his fists tightened with every step of the procession. Apart from the live band in the corner, the hall was virtually quiet, all eyes focused on the bride that no one even realized that silence.

Suddenly, Chanyeol heard a low hum: '난 몇 번이고 반하고, 사랑은 이렇게 나도 모르게, 예고도 없이 불시에 찾아와 (I fall for you several times, Love came to me without knowing, Without warning, suddenly)’. He froze. He could recognise the song anywhere. Apart from being one of the tracks in their first few albums, in this setting, this atmosphere, it reminded him of a promise he had single-handedly broken. Chanyeol didn’t even have to turn around to know that it was Baekhyun who had been humming: '그대가 살고 있는 곳에, 나도 함께 데려가 줘 (To the place you live, Please take me with you)’. Why now? Why was Baekhyun still trying to punish him after all these years? Chanyeol almost sniggered out loud. He knew he deserved it, whatever complaints and blame his members wanted to direct at him, he deserved it. But most of all, Baekhyun was the one who was more than qualified to make him pay for all he had done. Minseok’s sister was already at the alter and the officiant was saying something that Chanyeol couldn’t register. His mind was not merely consumed with the tune from ‘Don’t Go’, rather the bitter backstory that accompanied it.

 

 

> It was seven years ago, back when EXO’s manager got married and invited all nine of them to the ceremony. It was a procession just as enchanting as the present one but the scale dialed down. That night, when the boys returned to their dorm, Chanyeol sat cross-legged on Baekhyun’s bed, his freshly washed hair still dripping wet. Baekhyun was always the last to shower because the members used to complain that he left the toilet flooded after his turn and that whoever showered after him was doomed to slip and fall. It was near midnight when Baekhyun finally walked into their bedroom and flung himself onto the bed, his soggy blonde hair matted against his forehead as he adjusted his head comfortably on Chanyeol’s crossed legs.
> 
> ‘Ugh, get off, you’re making my shorts wet!’ Chanyeol feigned a tone of irritation.
> 
> ‘You’re the one who’s on my bed,’ Baekhyun hummed with his eyes closed and Chanyeol couldn’t be bothered to retort.
> 
> ‘Hey, when do you think it’ll ever be your turn?’ Baekhyun continued.
> 
> ‘My turn to what?’ The voice above him asked.
> 
> ‘Get married, idiot.’
> 
> ‘Who knows?’ Chanyeol reclined so that he now lay atop of Baekhyun’s baby-powder scented pillows.
> 
> ‘Haven’t you ever thought about it?’ Baekhyun straightened himself and rolled over to look Chanyeol in the eye.
> 
> ‘Not really… Don’t you remember when Jongin was revealed to be dating? That turned out to be such a mess… Imagine how much worse it’d be if it was announced that one of us got married!’ Chanyeol spluttered.
> 
> ‘It’s bound to happen one day,’ Baekhyun rolled around again and stared at the ceiling, his head still perched on Chanyeol’s legs.
> 
> There was a long pause before Baekhyun spoke again, this time quieter. ‘What if we never meet the right person? What if “the one” does exist, but we’re just too busy to realise? Or even worse, what if we pushed them away because of this whole no-dating policy bullshit?’
> 
> ‘It’ll work out,’ Chanyeol yawned.
> 
> Chanyeol felt a slap on his thighs. 'Ow! What the hell Baek?'
> 
> 'I'm serious! What if I just never meet that person? It can happen you know! The only girls we meet are the ones at Lux who're basically living the same double life as us... It's never going to work out...' Baekhyun mumbled.
> 
> Chanyeol got up from the fort of pillows and tugged Baekhyun upright.
> 
> 'Stop being stupid… You'll find your person. And even if you don't, she'll find you! You're always the loudest one in the room, the brightest, funniest, weirdest. You're not that easy to miss,' Chanyeol joked.
> 
> Baekhyun laughed, visibly relieved.
> 
> 'And if all else fails by the time we're 30, I'll do the world a favour and take you in so your annoying, whiny ass doesn't stir up a ruckus,' Chanyeol concluded teasingly.
> 
> 'Who needs you? I’ll never end up with you, not in a million years!' Baekhyun fought back in defiance.
> 
> Chanyeol loved seeing Baekhyun all high-pitched and flustered and enjoyed it even more to know he was the sole cause of it. It was sadistic really.
> 
> 'We could hold a ceremony in that pizza place round the corner or if ya don't mind, I'm fine with just McDonalds. We're on a tight budget after all,' Chanyeol continued.
> 
> 'GET. OUT.'
> 
> 'We'll replace flowers with strawberries, cuts costs and aren't they your favourite anyway? No live band needed, we'll just play 'Don't Go' on the stereo because...' Chanyeol faked a dramatic drumroll, ‘Oh 세상의 끝이라도 뒤따라갈 테니 (Oh I’ll follow you even at the end of the world)’~, he sang. 'Will you marry me Byun Baek?' he shouted.
> 
> 'PARK. CHAN. YEOL. GET. THE. FUCK. OUT!!' Baekhyun roared and proceeded to swing his wet hair side by side fiercely, drenching the poor Chanyeol from head to toe. 'STOP CALLING ME "BYUN BAEK"!!'
> 
> What followed was a wild chase as the pair jumped from bed to bed, racing around the room and Chanyeol continued to half sing, half scream 'Don't Go', blinded by tears of laughter.

 

 

‘Oh 세상의 끝이라도 뒤따라갈 테니 (Oh I’ll follow you even at the end of the world)’, Baekhyun's hum trailed off. Chanyeol was still frozen to the spot, his attention long departed from the procession.

 

A cue from the MC and the eight members were shuttled onto the stage. There were phones plucked out and cameras whirring as everyone waited in anticipation to hear EXO perform as one for the first time in years.

It was no award show, no competition, but it truly had been a reunion performance that was way overdue. Junmyeon took the lead and stopped at the bottom of the stage steps.

'We are one. EXO, saranghaja,' he whispered, tears glinting from his eyes.

The stage was ready for them, and at that moment, even Chanyeol the usual rowdy one, could feel goosebumps.

Sehun took a step back and completed their ritual. One slap on each of their butts. It was done. Three years later and EXO was ready.

 

As rehearsed, a soft lull from the live band indicated that it was their time to shine. Kyungsoo executed the beginning beautifully, then Jongdae followed with the chorus matched with a bright smile: ‘너에게 하고 싶은 그 말’. Chanyeol held his breath. It was Baekhyun’s single line. But it never came. The music kept playing even though the band looked up, realising the skipped line. No doubt the audience also knew there had been a slip up because the lyrics were displayed on the powerpoint above, accompanied by photos of the newly-weds. It was EXO’s professionalism that kept the performance going.

It was then that Chanyeol felt a small tugging at his waist. In a quick glimpse, he recognized that it was Baekhyun’s arm that was wrapped around his waist, and that Baekhyun, who started out all smiley and pleasant, now bore an unreadable expression, eyebrows knitted together and taking breaths so deep Chanyeol could hear them through the music. Besides the arm, Baekhyun had also shuffled closer and was half-leaning on Chanyeol. Chanyeol didn’t have much time to ponder over Baekhyun’s missed line and awkward gesture because he was up next. Truth be told, Chanyeol was more concerned about the lack of support in case Baekhyun decided to pull a stage fright act again like how he missed his own line.

‘고마워. 날 만나서 (Thank you for meeting me)’, Chanyeol began with ease. This was the easy part for a baritone like him.

He could spot Minseok’s sister at the head table bobbing her head in adoration as the lyrics rolled out, smiling like an elder sister would at a younger brother she took pride in.  
Several lines later, Chanyeol finally arrived at the tricky part. Praying that he’d manage even without Baekhyun’s help, he took a deep breath and went for it. To Chanyeol’s surprise, his hesitation never shone through because Baekhyun covered for him as if sensing his anxiety, singing those notes twice as loud as he had during the rehearsal. A wave of relief swept through him and at the exact same moment, he felt Baekhyun’s arm tighten around his waist. What it was for? Chanyeol had no clue. Perhaps it was a sign of reassurance or perhaps it was to prop himself up, because for some reason, Baekhyun seemed to teeter a little, panting ever so slightly after those few lines.

When it was finally Baekhyun’s second go at the line: ‘You’re beautiful’, it was a strange notion that prodded Chanyeol to sing it along with him. He felt like he owed that much to Baekhyun who had had his back just a few minutes ago and he told himself he was just doing it out of goodwill, both to repay Baekhyun and also to save their performance in case Baekhyun decided to pull a wild card again.

If SM hadn’t realized before, it was definitely their loss because the amalgamation of the pair’s voices, one bright and the other resonant blended into the richest melody that earned isolated claps from the audience.

 

‘Beautiful’ was quite the success and Chanyeol could already predict the Twitter trending list that night: ‘#1. EXO. #2. EXO ‘Beautiful’. #3. EXO reunion.’, or something of the like. As they walked off stage, Baekhyun’s arm was still securely fastened around Chanyeol’s waist and eventually, to kill the awkwardness, Chanyeol stretched his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders. At least this would give off a brotherly vibe, he thought.

Back at their table, Baekhyun let go of Chanyeol, sat down and gave him a quick nod. ‘Thanks,’ he smiled weakly and looked away, picking at the dish that had arrived during their performance

‘Um, yeah, no problem,’ Chanyeol answered but he felt that Baekhyun wasn’t even listening

Chanyeol had no idea what Baekhyun had thanked him for. Was it for the duet? The feigned brotherhood? For flying back from London? Or for not wrecking the entire performance overall? Chanyeol wasn’t sure but he didn’t ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might've spotted a few Korean phrases here and there and they're all lyrics from 'Don't Go'. 'Don't Go' is my favourite Korean song, lyrics and melody included so if you're new to the fandom, do go and listen to it!  
> Anyway, once again, hope this chapter met expectations! I might be updating less frequently in the coming days since I've posted all the chaps that I've written but I've already continued writing so stay tuned! 
> 
> Lastly, as usual, send kudos and comments! Do tell me what you think, your comments keep me going! 
> 
> Lots of love xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;  
> ‘This is Harin, a family friend. She’s my personal assistant now, ever since EXO parted ways.’ Chanyeol overheard the exchange and it finally hit him. Of course. How could he forget. How could either of them forget.

‘I’ll be out in… um, 15,’ Baekhyun whispered into the phone. Chanyeol hadn’t intended to eavesdrop but it wasn’t his fault that Baekhyun’s voice was more alluring than the MC who was now wrapping up a lucky draw.

‘I’m not sure it’s convenient… No, no, it’s not that I don’t want you here… It’s just that our table’s full already, so I’m not sure…’ Baekhyun put up a weak defense.

Minseok mouthed at Baekhyun, something that seemed like, ‘We can add a seat, it’s fine’ from what Chanyeol could deduce.

Minutes later, a young woman, petite and pretty, appeared in the crevice between Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

‘Baekhyun!’ She squealed in a hushed voice.

The woman must have been embarrassed by the sudden turn of heads because she immediately flushed a shade of crimson. Chanyeol could see he wasn’t the only one that was missing out on the details as two of their youngest looked equally puzzled while Kyungsoo and Minseok greeted her with a smile.

Baekhyun was about to stand up and make space for the new guest when she pushed him back into his seat and whispered, ‘You just stay put, I’ll bring a chair over myself.’

An extra chair was squeezed between Chanyeol and Baekhyun and the woman was polite enough to thank and greet Chanyeol as she sat down.

Chanyeol really didn’t want to listen to the conversation between the woman and Baekhyun (or so he thought) so it wasn’t helpful that both their voices were so shrill and easily identifiable.

‘Wow, the bride’s gorgeous,’ the woman breathed.

‘Yeah, that’s Minseok’s sister. The girl next to her used to be one of our makeup artists and that other guy to her right is her boyfriend. You remember him, right? He was the one I had drinks with last Christmas,’ Baekhyun explained patiently.

Chanyeol didn’t know why but it bothered him more than it should, seeing Baekhyun with someone he seemed to hold dear, someone worth his time and patience. Chanyeol didn’t know it yet, but the thing that bothered him the most was the fact that he himself wasn’t on the receiving end.

‘Now you mention it, he does seem familiar… Wasn’t he also the one we met up with in LA that time when you flew over to reveal the winter collection of your clothing line?’ The woman continued.

‘Bingo,’ Baekhyun gave her a thumbs up, ‘What I’d give to fly back to the States once more…’ he sounded dreamy.

‘We could go back anytime,’ The woman broke him from his reverie.

Baekhyun chuckled bitterly, ‘Harin, you overestimate me.’

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what Baekhyun’s last words meant but the only thing that mattered to him was that Harin, as she was known, and Baekhyun were on terms so close that they had travelled together before, and most obviously would be glad to travel again if given the opportunity.

Harin. The name did ring a bell but Chanyeol couldn’t seem to put a finger on it.

 

* * *

 

 

Chanyeol was delighted to finally escape the table when they were finally called to take photos with the newly-weds.

‘Look at my little superstars all grown up!’ Minseok’s sister squealed, hurrying over to the eight of them as they sauntered onto the stage. She caught Chanyeol by the arm and pinched his cheeks, ‘Still the most handsome one eh, Chanyeollie!’ ‘And you’re still the prettiest noona!’ Chanyeol smiled, ‘Don’t let my sister know.’ Minseok’s sister laughed melodiously.

Her gaze fell on a small figure that was half hidden behind Baekhyun. ‘Baekhyunnie! Long time no see! I see you’ve grown up quite a bit!’ Minseok’s sister winked, signaling at Harin who was trailing just behind Baekhyun. ‘I’ve always been an old soul!’ Baekhyun chortled, ‘This is Harin, a family friend. She’s my personal assistant now, ever since EXO parted ways.’ Chanyeol overheard the exchange and it finally hit him. Of course. How could he forget. How could either of them forget. 

  

 

 

> In scrawny handwriting were the words: _‘I like you. Will you go out with me? – Love, H’_
> 
> The note lay on their desk, folded in half. If only Chanyeol was a tad less curious, he would have chucked it into the bin without opening it. He was about to scream for Baekhyun and ask if he knew who had dropped him the note when a fluffball appeared. ‘Chanyeollieeeeeeee!’ Baekhyun bounced into the room and arms around Chanyeol’s waist. He had never been able to hug his shoulders with ease when Chanyeol was standing straight. The height difference was too much. By nature, Chanyeol lifted his hand and gently massaged Baekhyun’s nape and he felt goosebumps line the older’s soft skin.
> 
> ‘Do you know who left this for me?’ Chanyeol scratched his head.
> 
> Silence.
> 
> ‘Do you know who left this for me? Who’s “H”?’ Chanyeol repeated.
> 
> There was a nervous laugh followed by a chortle, ‘I know who left it but what makes you think it’s for you, you narcissistic asshole!’
> 
> Baekhyun was right, Chanyeol had no grounds to be sure that the note was for him. Perhaps it was because Baekhyun always acted so childishly whenever they were together that, despite being younger, Chanyeol had always viewed Baekhyun as a kid who triggered his protective instincts all too often.
> 
> ‘Nevermind who it’s for first. Who’s “H”?’ Chanyeol inquired.
> 
> ‘Remember Harin? The girl my parents brought to visit us here in our dorm last year and during Chuseok last week?’
> 
> ‘Yeah, what about her?’
> 
> ‘”H”. She’s “H”. Manager hyung told me she came by early this morning to send us kimchi my mom made. I presume she dropped this while she was here.’
> 
> Chanyeol did recall Harin. As a matter of fact, he had a vivid recollection of the girl. It wasn’t that he was attracted to her, rather that she seemed to flirt with him nonstop since she stepped into their dorm. Their first encounter went something like this:
> 
> _‘Baekhyun! Harin’s here to say hi!’ Baekhyun’s mother yelled from the kitchen as she unpacked the cold dishes she had brought._
> 
> _Chanyeol floated groggily into the kitchen at the ruckus after an afternoon nap. He had been bed-ridden for days having gone down with a bad case of diarrhea. Baekhyun was due to be home in half an hour but for now, it was only Chanyeol._
> 
> _He was met by a cheery ‘Hello, my name is Harin!’ and from that moment onwards, Harin never seemed to stop talking._
> 
> _‘You’re Chanyeol, right? I’ve seen you on TV. You play bowling, right? Me too! We should play together one day! I’ve also watched “Missing9” and that interview at “Party People” where you sang “Creep”. I’ve been looping that song ever since!’ Harin was chatty alright._
> 
> _‘Thanks,’ Chanyeol returned the nicest smile he could muster. He wasn’t sure if it was the medicine or the fact that she sounded very much like a buzzing bee that had caused his throbbing headache._
> 
> _Baekhyun’s mother noticed Chanyeol and gripped him by the arm, ‘Baekhyun told me you’ve been sick for a while now… Poor boy. Go get some rest, we’ll sit in the living room and wait.’ Chanyeol would usually have offered to make their visitors some tea and struck up a meaningless conversation but today, he could only apologise and politely retreat._
> 
> _Seconds later, Chanyeol heard the door to his room creak open and the sound of a mug being placed on his bedside table. ‘Chanyeol oppa,’ he heard Harin whisper but he kept his eyes shut. He wasn’t up for another session of chatter right now. ‘Chanyeol oppa,’ she repeated. Chanyeol continued to lie motionless. Suddenly, he felt a tingling sensation on the tip of his nose and across his lips. For a second, he forgot to breathe because what the actual fuck was happening? He almost couldn’t resist, almost opened his eyes but figured it would only worsen the situation if he looked up just to discover Harin caressing his face. The hand found its way to his forehead as if testing his temperature. Presumably he had passed the test because Harin sighed in relief, got up and closed the door lightly behind her._
> 
> _Little did the pair know that Baekhyun had gotten home minutes after Harin had entered the bedroom. Baekhyun had unlocked the front door ever so stealthily, fearing it would wake Chanyeol, then tiptoed toward their shared room. He had brought home congee and Panadol because he had heard Chanyeol groan in discomfort in his sleep the night before. Just as he was about to knock, he spotted Harin, crouched beside his sleeping roommate, gently stroking his cheeks and parting his soft bangs. Baekhyun took a step back, closed the door and dumped the congee into the bin._
> 
> ‘Yeah, Harin. I do recall… Vaguely, very very vaguely.’ Chanyeol didn’t know why he felt the need to emphasise the point.
> 
> ‘She obviously likes me. Been this way since we were toddlers. She used to follow me around, that little brat,’ Baekhyun snatched the note that was still in Chanyeol’s hand.
> 
> ‘Uh, yeah, of course,’ Chanyeol spluttered, ‘If Harin wrote it, then of course it’s for you. Who else?’ He turned around and flushed in embarrassment.
> 
> There were many things Chanyeol missed, the devil in the details. Because if he had spun around just a second later, he would see Baekhyun tear up the slip of paper and stuff the pieces into his pocket.

 

 

‘Come on boys, same old positions!’ Junmyeon clapped and the members lined up naturally behind Minseok’s family for the photo. Harin broke their lineup and fitted herself between Chanyeol and Baekhyun. It really wasn’t intentional, but Chanyeol couldn’t help but notice.

 

It was near midnight when the celebration was finally over. Minseok had stayed behind to cover the final tidying up and Jongdae had offered to send Jongin and Sehun home since they lived within minutes of each other. Baekhyun was caught up in a conversation with an ex-producer which left Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and Harin in an awkward position.

‘Chanyeol, right?’ Harin broke the silence.

Chanyeol nodded.

‘We’ve met before,’ she smiled good-naturedly.

‘Have we?’ Chanyeol decided to play dumb.

‘You can’t possibly have forgotten! I remember you being Baekhyun’s roomie, no?’ she poked his chest playfully and giggled.

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow.

Chanyeol instinctively took a step back and replied, ‘Yeah, him and I did share a room but Baekhyun’s so popular, I can hardly keep up with all his friends.’

‘You must remember me though!’ She was unrelenting, ‘We should catch up some day. Are you free for coffee, say… next Monday? I’m off early.’

Chanyeol was positive that there was absolutely nothing to ‘catch up’ on. Hell, he barely recognized the woman.

Kyungsoo was now enjoying the scene so much that he’d be grateful if someone handed him a bag of popcorn and a large coke to go with it. ‘Don’t let a girl down now, Chanyeol. Where are your manners?’

Fuck you, Do Kyungsoo. All the times I’ve covered your ass when you were still sobering up, and this is how you repay me?

Chanyeol had no choice but to nod and hand Harin his number at her request.

‘Harin, we should go now. I need to rest,’ Baekhyun had joined their trio. Beads of sweat dotted the length of his pretty face that glowed under the moonlight.

‘Oh shit, of course. Sorry Baek, I got carried away. See you guys soon!’

And with an arm around Baekhyun, Harin led the way and sped off into the night.

Kyungsoo patted Chanyeol on the back and shouted without even looking back, ‘Oh Park Chanyeol, all these years and you’ve only grown bigger but not the least bit smarter…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter just to fill win the gaps - thanks for reading all you lovely hoomans! xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;  
> Everything else was blurred out, the fat drops of rain didn’t feel so wet anymore. All he could see were Baekhyun’s pink lips, slightly parted and his cheeks, flushed from glee and exhaustion.

Chanyeol lay in bed with his eyes wide open. He knew it was a stupid decision to have coffee the second he got home but he had needed to clear his head after all that had happened at the wedding.

A mechanical beep showed 3 am. He had never been fond of hotels. The mattresses always either too soft or too hard. This time it was too soft, he could feel his body sinking closer to the floor by the hour. He had forgotten to shut the curtains and the sky suddenly lit up as a beam of lightning sliced the abyss into two. Seconds later, a light pitter patter gradually grew into a loud sloshing sound, indicating the beginning of a stormy night.

Baekhyun loved the rain, Chanyeol thought, his mind wandering back to their EXO days.

  

 

> It was days before their second comeback when it began to pour one night. Baekhyun’s bed was still empty and Chanyeol blinked in puzzlement at his absent roommate.
> 
> ‘Wru?’ He pressed send.
> 
> 20 minutes later and still no reply.
> 
> ‘You on your way home?’ No reply.
> 
> ‘Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy’ No reply.
> 
> ‘BYUN BAEK!’ No reply.
> 
> The clock struck 2 am and Chanyeol was getting worried. He had counted the number of the times the front door opened and closed. Seven, which meant that everyone else was already home.
> 
> Muttering profanities under his breath, Chanyeol made a mental promise that the next time they had a family meeting, he’d raise the rooming issue. No way would he share a room with Byun Baekhyun ever again. The mere responsibility of having to make sure he ended up home every night was already too much of a fuss.
> 
> Chanyeol threw on a puffer jacket and slid into his wellingtons. Byun Baekhyun had better have a good explanation for this.
> 
>  
> 
> The first place Chanyeol thought of was their practice room. It was a dingy place, floorboards old and worn from the hours of practice since their rookie days. The ‘X’s on the floor marked their positions and the mirrors were now misty from the frosty air. Chanyeol closed his umbrella and suppressed a shiver. Without the heating, the room smelt musty and was numbingly cold.
> 
> ‘Baekhyun,’ Chanyeol called out, squinting into the dim room. The jackets and stage outfits they had practiced in earlier that day were still strewn across the futon.
> 
> Under the pile of coats, Chanyeol heard a whimper.
> 
> ‘Baek!’ he hurried over, tossing the coats onto the floor to reveal a small figure curled up in a ball.
> 
> ‘THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?’ Chanyeol roared, his voice reverberating in the empty room.
> 
> Baekhyun was clearly not quite himself because his usual cocky self would have snapped back.
> 
> If playing innocent was what Baekhyun was aiming for, it indeed worked because Chanyeol quickly softened and sat himself next to the smaller boy. ‘Why are you still here at this hour?’
> 
> It wasn’t quite the answer Chanyeol was expecting but Baekhyun answered with a sneeze.
> 
> Chanyeol immediately shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around the other, pulling the zipper until it reached Baekhyun’s lips.
> 
> ‘I still haven’t managed the choreo of “Call Me Baby”…’
> 
> ‘And??’ That didn’t explain the 2 (and now 3) am absence, not for Chanyeol.
> 
> ‘And I wanted to run it a few more times… You know how hyung is…’ Baekhyun sounded tired.
> 
> Baekhyun was right. Their choreographer had indeed been picking on him. Chanyeol was probably the worst dancer in the group, but their comeback this time was very heavy on rap so it gave him an excuse to do more solo sessions and less group practices. It saved him from embarrassing himself from the group’s prodigal dancers like Jongin and Yixing, and also from their choreographer’s cursing. Nothing annoyed their choreographer more than one member dragging the rest down. Without Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Jongdae bore the brunt of the curses and Chanyeol couldn’t blame him, hyung was known for his spite.
> 
> ‘You can’t let him get to you,’ Chanyeol stroked Baekhyun’s soft curls.
> 
> ‘I know… But it’s on me really. We’ve debuted for 3 years already. I’m supposed to get the moves quicker.’
> 
> ‘Hey, look at who you’re talking to! If you’re wallowing in self-pity about how lousy of a dancer you are, then what does that make me?’ Chanyeol punched Baekhyun playfully, drawing a scoff from the older boy.
> 
> ‘It makes you a real genius, Park Chanyeol. EQ off the charts. I don’t know how you can stand it when hyung unleashes his fury on you…’
> 
> ‘Let’s go home now, it’s almost 3. We can come back earlier tomorrow and go through it before group practice starts,’ Chanyeol stood up and held out his hand, ‘Come on.’
> 
> Baekhyun looked up at him, bleary-eyed and half smiling. The lights were flickering and Chanyeol counted the seconds in between the intermittent intervals of brightness. Baekhyun’s face was illuminated in a pale glow and shrouded the next, their eyes still locked onto one another.
> 
> Chanyeol had spent at least a third of his days as an idol with Baekhyun, having lunch together, playing video games, cleaning the dorm, drinking at Lux… But never had he actually paid attention to this side of Baekhyun. The side of him that was fragile and sentimental, insecure and vulnerable.
> 
> To Chanyeol, Baekhyun had always been the centre of attention. At interviews, he was always the one with most screen time, the only member that could save EXO from being branded ‘the most boring boy band of all-time’ with his impersonations that ranged from movie characters to motorcycle sounds. The Baekhyun before him was nothing like he had known.  
> 
>  
> 
> 'It's late... You'd better go back first. I'm staying behind for a while longer,' Baekhyun assured. Seeing Chanyeol's frown, he added, 'I promise to be back before 4:30.'
> 
> Chanyeol sighed. Baekhyun looked like a softie on the outside but he knew the boy was crazy stubborn. Once he set his mind to it, there was no one that could stop him.
> 
> 'If you're staying then so am I,' Chanyeol sat back down on the couch and closed his eyes while Baekhyun got up and turned on the stereo.
> 
> Chanyeol's brows furrowed as he drifted off to sleep. The blaring pulsing of the intro of 'Call Me Baby' wasn't exactly the best lullaby. 
> 
> How long Chanyeol had slept for, he didn't know but he was woken up by a loud thud and a pained groan.
> 
> He opened his eyes to find Baekhyun crouched on the ground clutching his left ankle. Baekhyun’s face was contorted and he was visibly in pain.
> 
> Chanyeol leapt up from the couch and darted toward Baekhyun, kneeling next to him, his big hands brushing Baekhyun’s smaller ones aside. Chanyeol didn’t have to ask to guess that Baekhyun had overexerted himself again.
> 
> ‘How many times have I told you to practice in moderation! Fuck, I knew we should’ve left earlier!’ Chanyeol was desperate as he massaged Baekhyun’s ankle that was now turning a gruesome shade of purple and green.
> 
> Chanyeol knew it was Baekhyun’s weak ankle. He’d sprained it way too often since their rookie days it had become a chronic problem now.
> 
> Looking at the boy next to him, Chanyeol didn’t have the heart to raise his voice anymore because Baekhyun seemed to be suffering enough as it was, his face drained of colour.
> 
> ‘How bad is it?’ Chanyeol was growing worried. The last time Baekhyun sprained his ankle, he’d quickly gotten up as if nothing had happened and merely put on a protective band and continued practicing. This time, Baekhyun was biting his lower lip so hard that wisps of red were threatening to break out.
> 
> ‘Come on, we have to go home now,’ Chanyeol tugged Baekhyun by the elbow.
> 
> Baekhyun looked like a lost puppy, tears welling up in his eyes but didn’t budge.
> 
> ‘Don’t be stubborn, Baek... You can’t practice any more tonight. If we’re lucky, you might still be able to go for the MV recording next week. And that’s only if you stay put and apply ointment daily,’ Chanyeol sounded so much like an adult. ‘Get up now, the floor’s chilly.’
> 
> ‘I can’t...’ Baekhyun whispered. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to leave the goddamn practice room, he genuinely could not hoist himself upright.
> 
> ‘Shit...’ Chanyeol cursed. He bent down and slid his arms around Baekhyun’s waist, allowing the older boy to lean on his chest, teetering slightly as he balanced on one leg and finally stood straight.
> 
> ‘It’s really that bad, huh?’ Chanyeol knelt down and eased off Baekhyun’s sneaker.
> 
> ‘I’m sorry Chanyeol...’ Baekhyun sounded like a kid who had been caught red-handed stealing a cookie.
> 
> ‘If you truly are sorry then repay me by getting well soon okay? Don’t make me your personal carer for too long!’
> 
> They were still lodged in an awkward position, Chanyeol bearing most of Baekhyun’s weight, his arms still around the latter.
> 
> They were quite a strange sight to behold, two grown men shuffling toward the exit.
> 
> The rain was still pouring unforgivingly.
> 
> ‘Climb on, I’ll bet you’ve never had a piggyback ride as comfortable as this one. All that working out geared up for this one ride, your highness,’ Chanyeol patted his back and signalled Baekhyun to mount.
> 
> ‘I think just one of us down is already enough to make hyung go crazy,’ Baekhyun said, thinking about their choreographer. ‘You just had a back surgery last month, hyung’s gonna think we’re conspiring against him if we’re both injured tomorrow.’
> 
> ‘I’m good as new!’ As if to prove his point, Chanyeol did a few jumping jacks. ‘See? Good. As. New.’ He showed his toothy grin that never failed to make Baekhyun’s heart swell.
> 
> ‘No,’ Baekhyun was firm on this.
> 
> ‘I guess we’ll just have to do it the hard way,’ Chanyeol declared, hoisting Baekhyun forcefully onto his back.
> 
> Baekhyun had lost a substantial amount of weight after the company had forced him to go on a diet. For the first time, Chanyeol was glad that he did because his back really couldn’t bear much strain after the operation but he wouldn’t let Baekhyun know.
> 
> ‘Put me down!’
> 
> But it was too late. Chanyeol had already charged head-first into the pouring night.
> 
> The puddles splashed earnestly but Baekhyun stayed dry, most of his body covered by Chanyeol’s jacket that was way oversized for his small frame. Chanyeol was clutching Baekhyun’s hands that were wrapped around his neck.
> 
> Baekhyun could feel the veins on Chanyeol’s neck pulsing and the cologne that screamed ‘Park Chanyeol’ was intermingled with the humid breeze. It had been ages since Baekhyun last felt so free. Perched on Chanyeol’s back, he felt as if all the worries in the world were far from him, that he was the happiest he would ever be.
> 
> Chanyeol could hear giggles, his ears ringing from the melody. He knew Baekhyun was edging closer, his warm puffy breaths tickling his earlobes and his nape. As Chanyeol tilted his head sideways, he was met with Baekhyun’s crescent-shaped doe eyes. Small half-moons, curving just under his curly bangs. The light from the lamppost hit his face, illuminating his cheekbones, his nose bridge, his clavicle with a molten gold glow. He was as pretty as fractured glass, the kind that birthed rainbows when hit at the right angle. His jawline angled and stubborn, exuding naivety and charm all at once.
> 
> Perhaps he had been watching way too many Korean dramas or perhaps it truly was as magical as it felt, because at that moment, Chanyeol was encapsulated in a strange aura that he had only ever felt looking at girls in skimpy skirts on Friday nights at Lux. But this was even more intense, this was a sudden pang of adoration, not just lust or desire but a kind of fondness toward all the arrogance, eccentricity, rowdiness that Baekhyun stood for. It was an appreciation for all the times Baekhyun bellowed at his laptop when it showed ‘game over’, all the times he flooded their bedroom with his still-dripping wet hair after a shower, all the times he bullied Chanyeol into making him breakfast (two eggs cooked sunny-side up and as many streaks of bacon the plate could fit), all the times he ended up passing out on the floor after practice without even removing his makeup, all the times Chanyeol had to drag him home after one too many drinks during happy hour… In that split second, the jumbled thoughts seemed to make sense but dissipated as quickly as they had formed.
> 
> Everything else was blurred out, the fat drops of rain didn’t feel so wet anymore. All he could see were Baekhyun’s pink lips, slightly parted and his cheeks, flushed from glee and exhaustion.
> 
> Baekhyun was holding an umbrella in one hand, tilting it far too forward to cover himself but making the best effort to keep Chanyeol dry. ‘Hold it further back. Even if you don’t mind getting drenched, at least try to keep my jacket dry,’ was the most Chanyeol could say without embarrassing himself as he pushed Baekhyun’s outstretched arm backward.
> 
> The rest of the way back, the pair had the time of their lives, Chanyeol deliberately prancing into puddles, the larger the better. Very rarely could they finally catch up with the teenage years that fame had stolen from them. They were too busy being record breakers and million sellers that they never had the luxury of enjoying simple joys like these.

 

 

_‘1 new message. Sender: Junmyeon’_

Turns out he wasn’t the only one having a sleepless night. His phone beeped.

  _Junmyeon to ‘EXO’: Reu tomorrow night. My place. Kyungsoo’s cooking._

 

Unsurprisingly, there were more of them who were also suffering the same fate, most of them still awake at this ungodly hour.

_Jongdae: @Kyungsoo Pls make tteok and tacos_

_Sehun: @Minseok hyung, bring that Jenga drinking game over. I’ll get soju._

_Junmyeon: Still the alcoholic Oh Sehun…_

_Kyungsoo: It’d be nice if someone informed me beforehand. I’m a busy man you know. Got better things on my schedule than to cook dinner for you lot_

_You: @Kyungsoo nice try but we all know we’re your only friends_

_Sehun: ^_

_Jongin: ^_

_Kyungsoo: Fuck u. FUck u all._

_Sehun: <3_

_Jongin: ^_

_Junmyeon: ^_

_Jongdae: ^_

_Minseok: ^_

_You: ^_

 

Another buzz on his phone and his mailbox displayed a flight booking from his assistant scheduled for the 17th. Perhaps he ought to push it one day forward to escape his coffee date with Harin. The thought of having to spend the afternoon with her wasn’t exactly the most pleasing idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope these fragmented anecdotes aren't too confusing because I didn't really leave a precise timestamp... Kinda just went with the flow, all geared to show how and why they're so awkward around each other in the present day.  
> Just wanted to thank everyone who's been reading thus far! Hope y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy(ed) writing!
> 
> As per, send kudos and comments xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Navy or peach?’ Baekhyun’s head poked from his room, holding up a blue satin long-sleeved choker top in one hand and a sleeveless peach vest in another.
> 
> Harin faked a gasp. ‘GQ Man of the Year asking for my opinion? To what do I owe this honour?’
> 
> Baekhyun rolled his eyes so far back only the whites showed.
> 
> ‘Navy,’ Harin answered after a moment’s contemplation, ‘Covers up all the…’ she paused.
> 
> ‘You can say it. I’m way past that already,’ Baekhyun gave her a lopsided smile.
> 
> ‘Covers all the scars,’ she finished.

Harin dropped Baekhyun home at exactly 12 midnight.

‘Boss, you’ve got a schedule with the designers at Privé Alliance tomorrow morning,’ Harin flipped her planner.

‘What- really?’ Baekhyun’s memory had been failing him these days.

‘Well actually it was you who told me just two days ago. You said they were looking to create a new line for your collection and needed your input.’

‘Uh yeah, sure, I remember.’ Baekhyun didn’t remember. He didn’t remember one bit. If the designers were truly counting on him, as they had for their past collections, boy would they be disappointed this time.

 

Ever since Baekhyun had been invited to participate as co-creative designer, he’d poured a significant portion of his time into the fashion scene, jetting to and fro LA, Paris and Milan, some of the biggest fashion capitals in the world. It was probably for the best that EXO disbanded about the same time as he was discharged from the military because from then on, he started to become fully immersed in the fashion world.

‘I’ll come pick you up at 9 am,’ Harin concluded, ‘You’d better catch some sleep, it must’ve been tiring for you today.’

 

Baekhyun stepped out of the car and knocked on the window. The glass pane rolled down slowly. ‘Yes, Boss?’

‘You’re meeting Chanyeol the day after, right? Bring him some of that banchan my mom sent to your place yesterday. Especially the kimchi, it’s his favourite. Say it was from you. It’ll leave a good impression.’

 

It was with some difficulty that Baekhyun finally arrived at the top of the steps to his front door. Panting slightly, he keyed in the passcode and flopped onto the sofa without bothering to turn on the lights.

 

If one squinted in that moonlit room, one would find out much about Baekhyun’s past and present demons.

The photo frames that lined the length of his coffee table all showed a different combination of his members smiling eerily at some long-forgotten happiness.

On the far end, there was a photo of all 12 of them, the original 12, at their first MAMA win. They were all suited in black and red, a terrible sense of style that would no doubt have cost Baekhyun’s position as co-creative director. Chanyeol was standing three members away from him, his stupid toothy grin wide as ever.

Another photo came from their third photobook, ‘Dear Happiness’. One could barely see their faces but even so, it was evident that the two boys in the photo were having the time of their lives. Baekhyun recalled the photographer requesting them to just ‘enjoy yourselves like normal boys do’. Baekhyun had no clue how normal boys did enjoy themselves, for he had lost that normalcy ages ago. ‘I’ll race you to the pool!’ Chanyeol had hollered, zooming past him and almost slipping on the puddles. ‘Cannonball!’ he had shouted at the top of his lungs as he leapt in with his arms flailing. Baekhyun was overcome with a fit of laughter as he followed soon after, arms wrapped around his knees in a smaller but equally messy dive. The photographer had nodded in approval, happy with the shots he had gotten.

 

If one were to squint even harder, one would spot several white bottles sitting on the armrest. Baekhyun reached for one of them, weighed it in his palm and broke into twisted grin. He tilted the bottle and slid a few down his throat, flushing it down with a stale gulp of tea. He had been taking those for too long to bother with the prescription. One pill a day, two pills a day, five pills a day, half a bottle a day… What did he care? The pills were taking effect already. Baekhyun was enveloped in a dizzying hallucination. The people in the photos he had been staring at seemed to move like one of those magical posters in Harry Potter. He could hear Chanyeol’s nasally voice at the MAMA prize presentation. How he uselessly thanked the company, thanked Lee Sooman, and finally, just ever so slightly, glanced in Baekhyun’s direction and thanked the roommate who had kept him sane all those nights that led up to their debut. The room was floating or was it him that was floating? He couldn’t tell anymore. He felt his phone buzz in his back pocket and fished it out clumsily, dropping it several times onto his lap. His surroundings were growing fuzzy now and all he could make out on the screen were the words ‘Chanyeol’ and something about drinking games… Alcohol sounded like a good idea as he staggered from the couch and made his way to the wine cupboard. He should’ve been grateful that his legs gave way mid-journey because had he managed to get his hands on the Cabernet Sauvignon, that would probably be the last time anyone saw him alive.

 

If one had listened closely enough, in between the ragged breathes and friction of skin upon marble tiles, one would be able make out something that sounded like, ‘Park Chanyeol, I miss our twenties. I miss us…’

 

* * *

 

‘Boss! Boss!’ Baekhyun stretched his arms languidly and winced when he felt the icy tiles on his bare skin.

‘Boss! Are you okay?’ Harin was shaking him by the shoulder.

‘How many times have I told you not to call me that?’ Baekhyun yawned, ‘”Oppa” would be nice…’

‘You know what would be nice? Not finding you sprawled on the floor looking half-dead first thing in the morning would be damn nice!’ Harin was having a fit and it really didn’t help Baekhyun’s throbbing headache.

‘Dr. Cho’s going to be furious if he finds out what you’ve been up to.’ Harin picked up the cap of a pill bottle that had rolled onto the carpet. ‘I’m keeping these,’ she announced, ‘If you ever need them, you know who to call.’

‘They’re painkillers, Harin,’ Baekhyun sighed, ‘Dr. Cho gave them to me for a reason…’

‘Precisely. And if you ever happen to need them, I’ll bring them to you, Boss.’

‘”Oppa”,’ Baekhyun corrected but it fell onto deaf ears.

 

That was one thing Baekhyun liked about Harin. Unlike everyone else who treated him like delicate porcelain once they knew about his condition, Harin never missed a chance to snap at him. It was her arrogance that landed her the job as Baekhyun’s personal assistant.

‘Better get dressed, Boss. I see you were too keen to fall into a coma last night you couldn’t even be bothered to remove all that gump from your face,’ Harin waved her finger in a circle, pointing at Baekhyun’s blotched makeup.

Baekhyun groaned and stumbled toward his bedroom to freshen up while Harin shook her head in disapproval. How could someone so much older than herself be so immature? Most of the time it felt like she was more of a babysitter than an assistant. When Baekhyun offered her the position, she had been thrilled. As an unemployed fresh graduate, she knew that working so closely with a world-renown idol and fashion icon would look good on her resume. Besides, Baekhyun had always been like a brother to him. If he needed close personal help, it might as well come from someone who actually knew his habits well.

 

‘Navy or peach?’ Baekhyun’s head poked from his room, holding up a blue satin long-sleeved choker top in one hand and a sleeveless peach vest in another.

Harin faked a gasp. ‘GQ Man of the Year asking for my opinion? To what do I owe this honour?’

Baekhyun rolled his eyes so far back only the whites showed.

‘Navy,’ Harin answered after a moment’s contemplation, ‘Covers up all the…’ she paused.

‘You can say it. I’m way past that already,’ Baekhyun gave her a lopsided smile.

‘Covers all the scars,’ she finished.

 

The backside of Baekhyun’s wrists were etched with markings left by pointy needles, syringes, hospital drips. Baekhyun hadn’t known they would leave scars the first time he was hospitalised because after all, they were just a tiny piercings, no? But he soon learnt that no matter how small, how insignificant some things seemed, they still had the power to cut deep. There were several purple bruises and other rougher calloused patches that graced his pale complexion. They were signs of battles fought and although Baekhyun himself didn’t quite mind, he knew they were mementos that had to be concealed from the public eye. Baekhyun was the cheerful one, the talented vocal, the conceited fashion icon and it had to stay that way.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a frustrating meeting at the Privé Alliance Seoul Head Office that morning. The creative director known as Paco suggested Baekhyun come up with a new line that his fans would resonate with. Using his designs back in 2019 as an example, the director recommended something along the lines of yet another mantra Baekhyun held close to heart. Baekhyun remembered his ‘Fearless’ collection. The barcodes and tape measures emblazoned on tshirts and hoodies. It only took a day for them to completely sell out and another two days for the restocked items to disappear as well. Privé offered him a permanent post straightaway but he had declined. After all, at the time, he was still first and foremost a musician. Besides, Baekhyun wanted to be exalted not for bestsellers designed in the name of ‘Baekhyun the EXO member’ but rather ‘Baekhyun the designer’. If he were to make a name for himself in the fashion industry, he wanted it to be from his actual designs and not in the name of EXO.

Shortly after disbandment, another opportunity to permanently work at Privé presented itself and Baekhyun had gladly accepted it. Years later, and Baekhyun would like to think that he had succeeded, few paid attention to the fact that it was a former boyband member who birthed the designs. Rather, it was the intricacy and concept that lured people in such that even middle-aged men who had no idea what ‘an EXO’ was, willingly paid for his designs.

 

‘EXO recently had a reunion, or so I heard,’ Paco commented.

‘Yep, just last night in fact. Nothing escapes from your radar eh, Paco?’ Baekhyun joked.

‘Perfect. That’ll give us the hype we need for your new collection.’ Paco rubbed his palms together and it reminded Baekhyun of Scrooge rubbing his grubby hands, eyes sparkling at the thought of bills and cash.

Baekhyun sighed, ‘That was meant to be a heartfelt occasion… I don’t think carving it into a money-making opportunity is appropriate.’

‘What’s inappropriate is squandering a chance to make some cash,’ Paco was wiping the lenses of his oversized specs. ‘Weren’t that band of yours and your cute little mantras the only inspiration you had back in the day? Just do that again. Change up the colours a little bit. A splash of neon here and there. You can print that EXO emblem all over a sweatshirt for all I care, we just need a little “oomph”, there’s been way too many young designers flooding the market these days. Your fanbase was and still is the best at fueling sales.’

If it had been up to Baekhyun, he would have walked out of the meeting room but he did genuinely enjoy his job and the company of his fellow colleagues. If bearing with Paco’s arrogance was what it took to stay in the firm then he would let it slide.

 

‘Are you really going to do it?’ A fellow co-creative director asked. The boy was several years younger, about the same age as Baekhyun when he was first recruited into Privé. A nametag that said ‘JOHNNY’ was hanging dangerously from his cardigan, the pin had unlatched and it was threatening to drop.

‘Does it look like I have a choice?’ Baekhyun sighed, reaching for the dangling pin, ‘I’ll just have to try and make it worth the price so I won’t have to go to bed knowing that I’m guilty of ripping off of my own fans…’

‘You’ll make it work, you always do, hyung,’ Johnny patted Baekhyun on the shoulder and went back to his studio.

Baekhyun wasn’t so sure.

 

* * *

 

 

Baekhyun arrived at Junmyeon’s a little too early for dinner. His migraine since that morning hadn’t subsided and he desperately needed painkillers. With every knock on Junmyeon’s front door, he could feel his headache throb along with it.

‘Hey Baekh-’ Junmyeon paused, ‘Are you okay? You look absolutely ghastly…’

‘Well hello to you too,’ Baekhyun staggered into the apartment, ‘Headache,’ he explained.

‘Is it…?’ Junmyeon reached for Baekhyun’s arm and helped him up the steps into the living room.

‘No clue. Do you have painkillers?’

‘You really shouldn’t overuse those,’ Junmyeon sighed, ‘And no I don’t. I thought you had a prescription?’

‘Harin took them.’

‘She took them? What for?’

Baekhyun didn’t want to have to explain his attempt at a drug-induced coma the night before. What would he tell him? That seeing Chanyeol again brought back all their memories since debut? That he wished for both Harin and Chanyeol to be happy but selfishly wanted to cockblock him? That he missed Chanyeol so much he took one too many painkillers in an attempt to forget him? None of that sounded right.

 

To a frequent victim of migraines such as Baekhyun, he had developed a decent tolerance. At fashion shows he merely scrunched up his brows and pretended to examine the models on the runway. During client meetings, he’d courteously smile through the hour or cough down a few pills at toilet breaks. But his headaches had grown increasingly intense these months and without painkillers at his side, there was no way he could manage.

 

Junmyeon could hear Baekhyun’s breath hitch and quicken, tiny beads of sweat forming on his forehead, ‘Give me Harin’s number. I’ll ask her to bring them over.’

‘She’s in Gwangju visiting her parents. I gave her the rest of the day off after she dropped me at my meeting this morning. She won’t be back till noon tomorrow,’ Baekhyun was sprawled on the sofa.

‘You can be so stupid sometimes…’ Junmyeon shook his head, ‘How could you let her take your medication? And… And remove all that foundation from your face, this isn’t one of your fashion showcases.’ Junmyeon tossed a baggy jumper onto Baekhyun’s lap, ‘Get rid of all that makeup, change into something comfy and go up to my room to take a nap. The boys won’t be arriving until 7.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bookmarking, sending kudos and most of all, commenting! I was really relieved to know that my timestamp-less flashbacks weren't a turn off because I swear it's my first time including so many fragmented bits and pieces ;-;
> 
> Alsooo is anyone else just as excited as I am to hear about Baekhyun's solo??!!!?!??! COME ON JULY, I'M SO READY FOR YOU (just me, not my wallet)!! Apparently, we're expecting  
> \- BBH's solo album  
> \- EXO's potential comeback  
> \- a ChanHun subunit  
> and (ffs) Kyungsoo's enlistment *sobs*...
> 
> Just a lil info no one asked for: my EXO biases are (first and foremost) Baek > Chanyeol > Sehun, so it makes perfect sense why I'm so fking excited for next month!! But I'm a group fan ultimately so Kyungsoo bb please come back in one piece ;-;  
> Feel free to share how you got into EXO / who your EXO biases are and we can fangirl together :")
> 
> Finally, drop in a comment or two and say hi - I don't bite! :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;  
> Chanyeol was certain that out of all the possible range of emotions he could be feeling, ‘excitement’ and ‘pleasure’ were definitely not supposed to be on the top of the list. But they were. Lying next to Baekhyun in that cramped bed, their arms occasionally brushing against one another’s, Chanyeol could hear the steady rhythm of Baekhyun’s breaths resounding in the musty room.
> 
> Chanyeol didn’t dare move, as if any sort of motion would shatter the peace and quiet, or that one of them would suddenly realise the absurdity of the situation.
> 
> ‘Chanyeol,’ Baekhyun’s voice was soft and groggy, ‘Thank you for standing up for me. Stupid move, but thank you.’ Baekhyun supplemented.
> 
> ‘Mhm,’ Chanyeol answered. God, his voice was soothing.

‘Jongdae, get the door!’ Junmyeon hollered from the kitchen. Kyungsoo was teaching him how to bake the perfect lasagna and he couldn’t afford to let it burn.

‘Chanyeollie!’ Jongdae hugged the newcomer.

‘Chennie Chennie Chen Chen!’

‘All these years and you still remember!’ Jongdae was delighted.

 

Everyone else had already arrived and the living room was in shambles. Jongin and Sehun had selected several bottles of the finest wine from Junmyeon’s wine cupboard and were comparing them to the one Sehun brought, claiming that none of them compared to his. Minseok was seated on the floor, deeply immersed in a TV program about how to organise sock drawers. Jongdae returned to the billiard table and handed Chanyeol a cue stick and some chalk.

‘Whoever gets the most ins by dinner win,’ Jongdae said, rubbing some chalk on.

 

Half an hour later, Chanyeol had only achieved a sad score of 3. Truth be told, his mind wasn’t even on the game.

‘Is Baekhyun coming?’ he inquired in the most nonchalant manner he could muster.

‘Junmyeon said he was the first to arrive,’ Jongdae was still focused on the match. ‘Score!’ Another ball rolled into the corner pocket.

‘Dinner’s ready!’ Junmyeon clapped his hands and the members hopped up from their respective game stations.

‘I knew you’d make tteok!’ Jongdae squished Kyungsoo’s cheeks just to be batted away by the latter’s sweaty hands. 

‘Where’s Baekhyun?’ Chanyeol whispered to Junmyeon as the rest of the members began feasting.

‘In my room, sleeping,’ Junmyeon answered. ‘Guys! Save Baekhyunnie some food, he’ll probably be up soon.’

 

* * *

 

For someone who loved to drink so much, Sehun sure did have a lousy alcohol tolerance.

‘Hyuuuuuuung,’ Sehun whined, arms wrapped around Minseok who was still trying his best not to topple the wobbling stack of Jenga bricks.

‘One brick, one shot. Topple the lot and you’re finishing the bottle!’ Jongdae yelled, his face flushing a roaring shade of crimson. He had obviously had one too many shots already.

‘!!’ The blocks tumbled down mercilessly and instigated an uproar from the overexcited members.

‘All yours!’ Jongin slid the bottle of soju towards Minseok.

 

Chanyeol was the only one who was completely sober and alcohol-free. A sweeping glance around the table and he realised, for the first time, how much he had missed these brothers of his. He had taken their bond for granted as the passion and meaning of their ‘We are one!’ slogan gradually dissipated over the years. He remembered all the fights he’d had with each member over even the most trivial matters. It would be a lie to pretend that their brotherhood had always been conflict-free because even biological siblings couldn’t avoid arguments every now and then. 

Chanyeol recalled getting into a spat with Jongdae on the trip to Taiwan. 

> It was during the filming of EXO Ladder II, their first proper group variety show since EXO’s Showtime in 2013. It was all because Jongdae had wanted to bet with the production crew and run the risk of losing the little lunch money they had earned from previous games. Chanyeol had gone against him and somehow, maybe it was the heat that fueled their agitation, it snowballed into a quarrel so bitter they had to stop filming.

 

There was another time when things got physical.

> It all began when Junmyeon confronted Baekhyun, complaining how Baekhyun and Chanyeol had been too noisy the previous night. Admittedly, the pair had been considerably high-spirited the night before but it was only because they had finally managed to record an acoustic cover of one of their favourite songs. Kyungsoo, Jongdae and Jongin pitched in, their tone spilling with irritation. Given how it was peak season for everyone – Jongin, Junmyeon and Kyungsoo busy with promotion for their individuals TV series, Jongdae preparing for his solo album – everyone was on edge, their patience and tolerance levels hanging by a thread.
> 
> Chanyeol traipsed out of their room at that precise moment and saw Baekhyun being cornered by the other members, head hanging low and muttering apologies. Chanyeol strode in front of Baekhyun and shoved the smaller behind him.
> 
> ‘What’s all this about?’ He barked, ‘Four against one?’
> 
> ‘Good that you’re here too,’ their leader’s tone was hostile, ‘We were just saying how noisy the two of you were last night.’
> 
> ‘Don’t be childish, Chanyeol,’ Jongdae took a deep breath, ‘We’re just sayin-’
> 
> But Chanyeol had cut him short. ‘I’m the one who’s childish? You guys are the ones who were bullying him!’
> 
> ‘Chanyeol!’ Baekhyun hissed and tugged on his sleeve, ‘They have a point. We were quite loud last night.’ Stepping in front of Chanyeol, Baekhyun apologised and attempted in vain to push the still-infuriated giant back into their room. But Chanyeol wouldn’t have it.
> 
> ‘Some of us actually have early mornings, you know,’ Jongin added.
> 
> ‘”Some of us”? What do you mean by “some of us”? Are you insinuating that Baek and I aren’t busy too? That we’re not under pressure? Kim Jongin, you’re not the only one who has a stressful career.’ With a forceful shove, Jongin was thrust backwards, colliding painfully into a wall.
> 
> Truth be told, Chanyeol knew the right thing to do would be to first apologise instead of shifting the debate. He knew full and well that that wasn’t what Jongin had meant but seeing them cower over Baekhyun like that, he could not suppress his rage.
> 
> ‘What the hell, Chanyeol?’ Kyungsoo ran to Jongin’s aid.
> 
> ‘You’re going to pay for this…’ Jongin pushed Kyungsoo to one side and charged toward Chanyeol.
> 
> Before anyone could put a halt to the impending conflict, Jongin had delivered a blow to Chanyeol’s chest, knocking the breath out of the latter. If it were not for Baekhyun behind him, Chanyeol would have toppled over in shock.
> 
>  
> 
>  ‘What do you think you guys are doing?’ A voice thundered from the front door. The members froze at the sight of their manager and slowly took a step back, Jongin still writhing in Kyungsoo’s hold.
> 
> ‘Back to your rooms! Now!’ Their manager bellowed, ‘If I see anyone so much as leave their roo, I’ll personally cut 20 seconds of their screen time from the next MV.’
> 
> Once the door slammed shut, Chanyeol picked up the nearest cushion and hurled it at the wall. ‘Byun Baekhyun! Why do you always let them step all over you like that?’
> 
> Baekhyun had gotten into bed already, covers over his head and turned to face the wall.
> 
> ‘Byun Baekhyun!’ Chanyeol stomped toward the lump under the duvet and towered over the bed.
> 
> ‘What?’ Baekhyun tried with increasing difficulty to keep his tone neutral and calm. Why did Chanyeol have to keep triggering him? ‘What do you want from me? Should I apologise? Sorry Park Chanyeol, your roommate is a coward.’ He snarled mockingly. Tears had begun to well up but he was adamant not to let them roll out.
> 
> Chanyeol sighed and sat down on the edge of Baekhyun’s bed. ‘I should be the one to apologise… Sorry for making a scene. You know how easily riled up I get when it comes to these things…’
> 
> ‘What things?’ Baekhyun asked softly, still staring at a clump of dust on the wall.
> 
> ‘Things that… things that involve you.’ The shadow on his bed whispered.
> 
> The room was strangely silent. Perhaps the others were right, only Baekhyun and Chanyeol would make so much noise past midnight.
> 
> Baekhyun rolled around slowly and Chanyeol took it as a cue to peel the duvet that was smothering Baekhyun off to reveal a scruffy garden of hair.
> 
> The air was still and stuffy for no one had bothered with the windows or the air-conditioner amongst the squabble.
> 
> Baekhyun looked up, eyes glinting and cheeks glowing from the shadows cast by the lamp on his bedside table.
> 
> ‘I’m sorry, Baek,’ Chanyeol mumbled once more.
> 
> ‘Say that to Jongin, not me,’ Baekhyun’s voice was smooth like honey, fluid and comforting.
> 
> Chanyeol got up and was about to speak to Jongin when he felt a warm hand clutch his wrists. ‘Say that to Jongin… later.’
> 
> ‘I-’, Chanyeol paused, unsure of whether to walk out, stay standing or sit down. Baekhyun shuffled to the far side of the tiny bed and patted the empty area, ‘Stay a little while longer?’
> 
>  
> 
> Chanyeol was certain that out of all the possible range of emotions he could be feeling, ‘excitement’ and ‘pleasure’ were definitely not supposed to be on the top of the list. But they were. Lying next to Baekhyun in that cramped bed, their arms occasionally brushing against one another’s, Chanyeol could hear the steady rhythm of Baekhyun’s breaths resounding in the musty room.
> 
> Chanyeol didn’t dare move, as if any sort of motion would shatter the peace and quiet, or that one of them would suddenly realise the absurdity of the situation.
> 
> ‘Chanyeol,’ Baekhyun’s voice was soft and groggy, ‘Thank you for standing up for me. Stupid move, but thank you.’ Baekhyun supplemented.
> 
> ‘Mhm,’ Chanyeol answered. God, his voice was soothing. 
> 
>  
> 
> The pair drifted off into deep slumber soon enough but a few hours later, Chanyeol was woken up by a soft whimper.
> 
> It took Chanyeol a few disoriented seconds to realise where he was and why he was lying in a tangle of limbs (and was relieved to find out half of them were his own). Baekhyun’s arms lay on Chanyeol’s chest, rising and falling in unison with his every breath. One of his legs were stretched atop Chanyeol’s, circling him like a koala attached to a eucalyptus tree. Chanyeol reached for the duvet and leaned dangerously over Baekhyun, one hand supporting his upper body, the other tucking the duvet under the older. They were so close that Chanyeol could clearly count the lashes that adorned the older’s face. Baekhyun was still whining softly and Chanyeol thought amusedly, that it had been right of him to compare Baekhyun to a puppy.
> 
> As if sensing movement, Baekhyun inched closer toward the burly body beside him and nuzzled into Chanyeol’s neck, his baby hairs sending tickles down Chanyeol’s spine but he didn’t budge. Whether it was pure shock or ecstasy, Chanyeol wasn’t sure but he was positive that this was a moment he never wanted to forget.

 

Retrospectively, Chanyeol realised that all the misunderstandings and pent up anger were followed by forgiveness and mutual understanding and those were what forged their bond and united the nine in their tireless journey to attain a single dream.

 

 

Junmyeon had probably expected a slumber party beforehand because Chanyeol noticed a pile of pillows and duvets rolled up on a one-seater in the corner of the living room. Dragging a drooling Sehun off Minseok who had already passed out after chugging the bottle of soju, he lay their youngest on the sofa. Minseok, Junmyeon, Jongin, Jongdae and finally Kyungsoo, Chanyeol heaved one after another onto the carpet so they wouldn’t freeze on the tiles. Adjusting their pillows and duvets, Chanyeol’s job was finally done.

Sucks to be sober, Chanyeol thought but he had to be a responsible driver.

 

Just as he was about to close the door behind him, an urgent whisper called his name, ‘Park Chanyeol!’

Baekhyun was standing at the foot of the staircase, hair disheveled, evidence of a well-enjoyed slumber.

‘What’s up with them?’ He pointed toward the collapsed bodies sprawled in an ugly mess.

‘Alcoholics,’ Chanyeol laughed.

‘You aren’t going to stay the night?’ Baekhyun’s socks did the trick as he skated toward him on the polished tiles.

‘There’s no room, no more duvets for a giant like me. Wouldn’t want to wake up in a puddle of Oh Sehun’s vomit anyway.’

‘Would you mind dropping me off at the station? It’s just two streets from here,’ Baekhyun jogged to pick up his backpack.

‘I’ll drop you at your place, no problem.’

 

Chanyeol had his perfect vision to thank. Lit by streetlights and traffic signs, Chanyeol could spot reddened patches emerging on Baekhyun’s milky skin.

‘You okay?’ He asked.

‘Who? Me? Of course, why?’

‘Nothing,’ he grunted. Just to make sure, Chanyeol caught Baekhyun by surprise when he laid his hand on the other’s forehead.

‘Fuck, you’re burning up…’

Baekhyun shrugged in an unperturbed manner, ‘Happens all the time, no big deal.’

‘What do you mean “all the time”?’

It was a slip of tongue that Baekhyun didn’t know how to respond. ‘Uh… You know me, you know how easily I fall sick. I used to catch a cold every other week back in the day. A good night’s sleep should do the trick.’ He flashed a reassuring smile.

Chanyeol would have let it slide if Baekhyun hadn’t fallen asleep in that ten-minute ride. He didn’t even know how Baekhyun could look so exhausted given that he had practically had half a day’s rest at Junmyeon’s. It wasn’t a difficult decision to change course and head home for Chanyeol really didn’t have the heart to break the tranquility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO. I thought I'd never love anything more than writing angst BUT THEN turns out we all need a lil sweetness in life and when you can't get that irl, you have to... write it yourself haha  
> I HAD THE BEST TIME WRITING ALL THAT (semi) FLUFF! someone hmu with cute chanbaek content bc I'm wholeheartedly THIRSTING for more now ;-;  
> again, feel free to share anything and everything - from biases to your journey with EXO to small bits of life you might want to rant about!  
> I'll start - so I shared my biases last time and just so y'all know I'm an ancient EXO stan :"D I go way back in 2012 from when they first debuted and my very first bias was Luhan (hands up all you old EXO-Ls) and after he left, I moved on to Sehunnie and now to Baek and Chanyeol but these last three are kind of all about the same 'level' - screw them bias wreckers D; 
> 
> ALSO, sorry if the quality of writing and ideas seemed to have slipped a bit... I've been quite preoccupied with some other stuff so this chapter is kinda rough... I just tried to make sure I got all my ideas in :/ Promise it'll get better next time ;-;
> 
> Anyway, enough about me, do drop in a comment at some point - I don't bite! xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol was now dangerously close. So close he could feel the gently warmth from his bare upper body.
> 
> ‘Put on a top,’ Baekhyun picked up a hoodie that was strewn on the bed, ‘What are you now? Like an exhibitionist? Geez… Put on some clothes for goodness sake…’
> 
> ‘Really Baek? Does it really matter? It’s not like you’ve never seen me topless… or naked for that matter…’ Chanyeol teased, taking a few more steps into Baekhyun’s direction.

The lump next to Chanyeol began to stir and the soft whimpering stopped. On that first night of their roommate-ship, Chanyeol had stuffed cotton balls into his ears and covered his head with a pillow to block out the noise. But now, the soft whines had become melodious, as if that was what sleeping should sound like by default. He recalled tossing and turning in bed all night on his first night in London. That night he had wished fervently that Baekhyun was there supplementing the silent night with his nasally whimpers.

 

‘Are we home yet?’ Baekhyun asked groggily, wisps of blonde hair sticking out at odd angles.

Chanyeol didn’t even have to answer because the digital watch on Baekhyun’s wrist beeped to display 3 am.

‘It’s 3?’ Baekhyun thundered.

‘It’s 3.’ Chanyeol nodded matter-of-factly. ‘It’s 3 and yes, we’re home. _My_ home.’ With that, he hopped out of the car with his hotel keys jingling and swinging from his index finger.

‘Yah, Park Chanyeol!’ Baekhyun almost tripped as he tried to catch up with Chanyeol’s giant strides.

‘You can’t possibly want me to drop you home now? It’s 3 for fuck’s sake and your trusty…,’ he paused, ‘friend’s asked to meet me tomorrow, gotta be on my best,’ he winked and continued toward his front door.

‘I’ll just flag a cab,’ Baekhyun refused to budge.

‘Try all you want, you won’t be able to. There aren’t any cabs that roam the area. But don’t come knocking in an hour. I’ll be lounging in bed by then.’ Chanyeol waved without so much as looking back.

An infuriated scream that sounded very much like ‘PARK CHANYEOL!’ followed by an outburst of profanities, and Baekhyun was hurtling towards the giant who was now grinning from ear to ear.

 

‘Chanyeol! Where do you keep your PJs?’ Baekhyun hollered as he rummaged through the messy pile that occupied the shelves.

‘I’m surprised you still had to ask,’ Chanyeol mumbled as he pulled open the top compartment in the set of drawers, ‘Didn’t you always use to steal mine?’

Baekhyun flushed and opened his mouth to retort but no words came out.

 

It was a good hour later before Baekhyun finally stepped out of the shower. Chanyeol made a comment about how he could have showered, shaved and written an entire song four times round in all that time, only to earn a smack on the chest by a flying cushion.

 

‘How do you turn up the heater?’ Baekhyun was kneeling on the floor of his, brows furrowed in frustration.

‘You mean “how do you turn _on_ the heater?”’ Chanyeol’s voice resounded from the bathroom that was now steamy from the poorly installed ventilation fan. ‘It’s been out of order since the first night I arrived.’

‘Why didn’t you ring concierge about it?’ Baekhyun got up from the ground, still staring indignantly at the mute heater.

‘I did, they said the handyman’s off this month,’ Chanyeol shrugged, ‘And I’m fine with it to be honest. London’s way worse, I figured I’d be kind to Mother Nature and all the jazz…’  

Baekhyun spun around. He was just about to make a remark on how Chanyeol was the last person who would give a damn about the environment and point out his excessive air-con use when…

‘Wow…’ A sigh escaped from Baekhyun’s throat and he immediately clasped his hand over his mouth in embarrassment. The impact of his own hand hitting his lips probably gave him a second round of surprise because at that moment, as if he had not already humiliated himself enough, he choked on his own saliva and spluttered until his face swelled as red as a tomato.

The racket caught Chanyeol’s attention and he looked up from his phone. ‘You okay, Baek?’

‘Yeah- I’m- Yeah, all’s good,’ Baekhyun rasped, ‘How ‘bout you?’

‘Huh?’ Chanyeol asked, ‘Um, I’m fine?’ and glided toward the other side of the room.

 

It had been years since Baekhyun last met Chanyeol up close, let alone up close _and topless._ Chanyeol had emerged from the bathroom, hair still sticky and wet from the shower, cheeky beads of moisture glistening on his lean torso. Chanyeol had always been the member with the best physique (or at least one of the best, because there was always their youngest in competition) but his abs, shoulders, biceps were more defined now, no longer the lanky try-hard boy he used to be.

Baekhyun remembered an episode that occurred after the recording of ‘Knowing Bros’ when he had named Sehun as the member who was the most visually appealing.

  

> Once they retreated backstage, Chanyeol had confronted him, his expression somber and grave. ‘Really? Oh Sehun??’
> 
> ‘Mhm,’ Baekhyun had been removing his makeup and the remover stung as he carelessly shoved a sizeable drop of it into his right eye.
> 
> A hand clutched his arm, stopping his actions. ‘Byun Baekhyun, last chance: Who has the best body?’ To Baekhyun, it had sounded more like a statement than a question.
> 
> He sighed and gave in, ‘You. Park Chanyeol. C-H-A-N-Y-E-O-L.’
> 
> ‘Alrightttttttt,’ Chanyeol grinned and spun around, ‘Sehunnie! Baek says my bod’s better than yours!’
> 
> Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, who was loitering nearby, chuckled at Chanyeol’s childishness and even Sehun couldn’t be bothered to answer with more than a grunt.

  

Chanyeol was standing by the floor-length windows that led to a porch. The night was gradually transforming into a purplish shade and at the edges of the horizon, a deep and fiery shade of burgundy was spilling in. The moon still shone bright as ever which made the beads on Chanyeol’s shoulder and back glimmer like diamonds, ethereal and magical. He truly was an angel.

‘Watchu lookin’ at?’ Chanyeol was leaning against the glass panel.

Baekhyun’s initial instinct was to deflect his smug smirk and shoot back a snark reply but his heart got the better of him and he could only blink in awkwardness.

‘How’s your fever, Baek?’

‘Hm?’ Reality check. ‘Yeah, I’m better,’ Baekhyun answered before Chanyeol could have his hand over his forehead.

Chanyeol was now dangerously close. So close he could feel the gently warmth from his bare upper body.

‘Put on a top,’ Baekhyun picked up a hoodie that was strewn on the bed, ‘What are you now? Like an exhibitionist? Geez… Put on some clothes for goodness sake…’

‘Really Baek? Does it really matter? It’s not like you’ve never seen me topless… or naked for that matter…’ Chanyeol teased, taking a few more steps into Baekhyun’s direction.

‘It does matter, Chanyeol. It matters because we’re no longer bandmates or roommates now. Hell, I don’t even know if we’re still friends even! I mean, would you still call someone a friend if they had straight up left you in a pile of mess, in search of greater things and perhaps a better life halfway across the globe? Would you?’

Chanyeol could only stand and look at Baekhyun like a deer in the headlights.  

Truth be told, Baekhyun didn’t know why he was so triggered or why he had snapped at the poor Chanyeol. Perhaps it was the stroll down memory lane intermingled with the smell and warmth that was radiating so steadily that were playing with his emotions. Or maybe it was the fact that Chanyeol had joked about their past so lightly as if it was just a fleeting episode in his life, as if it didn’t mean as much as it meant to Baekhyun.

The room stilled and all that could be heard was the sound of a rattling ventilation fan and Baekhyun’s short breaths, proof of a monologue well pronounced.

‘I’m sorry.’

Baekhyun could only look at the sad eyes in front of him.

‘I know it’s belated. Years late, actually. But believe it or not, Baek, I do regret it.’

But Baekhyun was not in the mood to give up a without a fight.

‘I regret it too,’ Baekhyun said in a tone as bland as he could muster. ‘Park Chanyeol, I really do regret becoming friends with you that very first day.’

 

> ‘Hey, new guy!’
> 
> New guy? That was him, wasn’t it? Baekhyun tensed up as his pupils darted around the practice room in search of the speaker.
> 
> ‘Over here!’ A young boy was waving at him. The boy was seated in a semi-circle with a few others who were presumably their age as well. It was obvious that the boy was in the popular crowd. There was a stark difference between their little clique and the others dotted around the room. Their outfits were visibly more fitted and they were louder than the others in general. Their popularity made it all the more daunting and on top of that, the only seemingly friendly boy was the one who was waving.
> 
> The others in the crowd all seemed to bear their own shade of ‘unfriendliness’: emo boy (bangs swept to one side but still too long for clear visibility), stone-faced boy (eyes big and round but his face expressionless), quiet boy (his skin a glowing tan who seemed to be rather friendly with the stone-faced one) and finally the resting bitch-faced boy (who was evidently the youngest but his stature said otherwise, towering a good 10 cm at least over Baekhyun).
> 
> Seeing Baekhyun’s hesitation, the smiley-faced boy stood up and walked toward him.
> 
> ‘Hi, I’m Park Chanyeol. You can call me Chanyeol for short!’ He was grinning so wide Baekhyun could count his pearly whites.
> 
> ‘I’m… new,’ Baekhyun offered.
> 
> ‘Hi “new”!’ Chanyeol proceeded to guffaw at his own joke and Baekhyun decided then that the tall boy’s laugh was his new favourite melody.
> 
> ‘I’m Baekhyun,’ he supplemented.
> 
> ‘I’m guessing you haven’t met most of us?’ Chanyeol signaled toward his gang who had now closed in on the space that Chanyeol left empty.
> 
> ‘I arrived this morning, so apart from TVXQ and BoA sunbaenims, I haven’t actually met anyone,’ Baekhyun spoke with an air of respect. Afterall, he had been a fan of a lot of the company’s artists for as long as he could remember.
> 
> ‘Great! We can start with those idiots,’ Chanyeol seemed proud of his group of friends, ‘Come over!’
> 
> Tugging Baekhyun by the elbow, the pair traipsed toward the others and Chanyeol parted the space between the emo one and the stone-faced one.
> 
> ‘Guys, this is Baekhyun! It’s his first day!’ Chanyeol sounded so excited it made Baekhyun want to bury his head into the ground. He really wasn’t that interesting to warrant such a cheery tone. The reaction from the circle was varied but it didn’t move beyond a spectrum of disinterest to feigned amusement. 
> 
> ‘Emo boy’ was the first to speak and Baekhyun decided that on a closer look, ‘emo boy’ wasn’t so scary. It was the bangs, definitely the bangs, because once the boy tucked his locks completely behind his ears, it revealed a pair of jet-black eyes, the corners of his eyes slightly upturned as if in a smile. ‘I’m Kris,’ He spoke in English and his name was obviously an English one, ‘What’s your name?’ Baekhyun did understand what emo boy was saying but the sudden fluent language switch threw him off. ‘Hyung, speak Korean!’ Chanyeol jabbed him in the chest. ‘Ow,’ Kris glared at Chanyeol and his dark expression seeped out once again. Turning to Baekhyun, Chanyeol explained that Kris had spent time in the States and only joined the company not so long before Baekhyun had. Once again in Korean, Kris introduced himself and shot out a friendly hand for a handshake, ‘Nice to meet you Baekhyun! I hope we make it onto the stage together.’
> 
> They agreed to go around in a circle, clockwise after Kris.
> 
> ‘I’m Kyungsoo,’ the googly-eyed boy smiled courteously as if he was careful not to act out of line. It was a stark contrast, his big, sparkly eyes and the air of sobriety that exuded from his small figure. ‘You can call him D.O.,’ Chanyeol added, ‘It’s the potential stage name the staff want us to get used to.’ ‘As in the letters ‘D’ and ‘O’?’ Baekhyun asked, it was a strange set of initials. ‘Yeah, like the ‘Dior’ in Christian _Dior_ but without the ‘R’ sound,’ Kris explained but it hardly made it any easier to remember for Baekhyun who was already experiencing an information overload.
> 
> Seated next to Kyungsoo was ‘tanned boy’ but somehow, it wasn’t him who spoke. ‘Hi, my name’s Oh Sehun. I’m the youngest, at least in this group.’
> 
> ‘Actually, Sehunnie’s the youngest amongst all the boys qualified to train with the next batch of potential debutants,’ Chanyeol patted the youngest’s head with pride.
> 
> ‘Gerrrrofff, hyung! I’m not that young! There’s Mark, Jaehyun and even Doyoung who are all younger than me!’ Sehun protested in defiance.
> 
> ‘I said “the next batch of potential debutants”!’ Chanyeol argued, ‘Mark, Jae and Doyoung aren’t here in the room training with all of us are they!’
> 
> ‘No, but you’re making me sound so young and innocent and stupid and insignificant!’ Sehun continued to fight back.
> 
> ‘I wasn’t! I just meant-’ Chanyeol was growing exasperated and Kyungsoo had to step in and push the agitated pair down. ‘Shut up, you two. Sehun, who cares if you’re the youngest here or not? One’s significance isn’t measured by their age and I can assure you that you’re an invaluable asset to all of us hyungs.’ Kyungsoo poked the youngest’s flushed cheeks to ease the pout. Turning to Chanyeol, Kyungsoo’s expression immediately grew hostile, ‘Park Chanyeol! Why are you arguing with a 17 year-old? You’re an adult already, grow up for goodness sake!’ So Kyungsoo was the mother of the group, Baekhyun nodded at the revelation.
> 
> Chanyeol huffed and plopped back down next to Baekhyun. It was an amusing sight, two boys with the stature of grown adults arguing over something as trivial as this.
> 
> ‘He’s Jongin,’ Kyungsoo motioned toward tanned boy next to him as if wanting to wrap up the calamitous introductions. ‘Tanned boy’ didn’t seem to mind Kyungsoo being his spokesperson but added quietly, ‘They also call me Kai.’
> 
> Their group was an odd mash of people. It was mostly an exchange between Chanyeol and Kris, the two mood-makers. Sehun was either unaware of his role as the maknae or didn’t care because the only time he spoke was to offer snide comments, mostly directed at Chanyeol and Baekhyun could sense that they were driving him up the wall. Kyungsoo and Jongin mostly kept to themselves. Jongin, in particular, merely whispered short phrases into Kyungsoo’s ear and Kyungsoo would either raise an eyebrow or nod in agreement.
> 
> The eccentric team went about their days and weeks together – lunches, breaks, dance practices – and Baekhyun gradually warmed up to the lot, even Jongin. He was awestruck by how fluid his dancing was, how effortless it seemed for him to remember all the steps and miniscule details of a dance. On the contrary, himself and Chanyeol could barely coordinate their limbs – Chanyeol’s being far too long and lanky for his own good and Baekhyun just overall clumsy for lack of training. It was their matched ability (or could you say, inability) to dance that wove them together. Chanyeol and Baekhyun stayed behind in the studio for extra dance practices, grabbed pre-training dinners together (and of course post-training snacks too), took the bus home together after a long day (Chanyeol always insisted on taking Baekhyun’s bus, even if it meant a longer ride because he liked company). Before long, whenever one needed to look for Chanyeol, they would simply locate Baekhyun, and vice versa, because while one was at a certain spot, the other was surely nearby.
> 
> Over the years, even after their debut, Baekhyun was still immensely grateful that the friendly, toothy giant had approached him on his first day. If not for that ‘Hi, I’m Park Chanyeol!’, Baekhyun knew he wouldn’t have been able to survive.

  

‘I regret it too. Park Chanyeol, I really do regret becoming friends with you that very first day.’

‘Oh.’

Baekhyun would have killed to hear a response other than that, anything other than that. He had lit a match and thrown it on a pile of dry branches, yet here he was now, praying that the pile wouldn’t burn to ashes.

‘But just so you know, I really am sorry I left, Baek. If it helps, not a day goes by that I don’t think of you as one of the most important people in my life.’

Baekhyun had climbed onto the sofa already and slid under a thin blanket. The sofa was by no means small but even Baekhyun had to bend his knees to fit in.

‘Sleep on the bed,’ Chanyeol pointed at the only bed in the room, ‘You’ll catch a cold on the couch. The sofa isn’t even big enough for you.’

Baekhyun kept his eyes shut and his back towards Chanyeol.

Chanyeol sighed. ‘If you’re so disgusted at the thought of us sleeping side-by-side, I’ll stay up tonight and you can have the entire bed to yourself.’

Baekhyun was adamant not to leave the couch.

‘Well I guess the bed’s just going to stay empty tonight… I’m not sleeping in it whether you sleep in it or not…’ Chanyeol chided.

Still no answer. With a sigh, Chanyeol placed the big duvet that was on the bed onto Baekhyun. ‘Do you really hate me that much, Baek?’

Did he? Baekhyun wondered. It was a simple question, a yes or no would’ve sufficed. But he didn’t know. Did he hate Chanyeol? His heart had ached when their manager announced that Chanyeol was leaving the group and could still feel the stab wounds fresh in his heart. There were times when Baekhyun was positively outraged at Chanyeol’s sudden departure, and other times when he was just plain melancholic and miserable, nothing more. But did Baekhyun _hate_ Chanyeol? Maybe.

Hearing no response, Chanyeol finally gave up and patted Baekhyun on the shoulder. ‘Baek, if you really can’t stand my presence that much, I’ll leave. Call me if you need anything, okay? I’ve boiled a jug of water and there’s Panadol by the TV just in case.’

Baekhyun only rolled back over when he heard the door close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm finally back now that exams are done and dusted! To all of you who are still battling finals, good luck and all the best! To those who have finished their academic year, congrats and hope you all have a great summer!  
> Also, to all you SMFam fans, you'll realise I include mentions of NCT here and there. They're my favs next to EXO so do show them some love! Who else likes NCT? Feel free to share your biases - mine are Johnny, Mark and Doyoung xx
> 
> Finally, as usual, send kudos and comments! 
> 
> Lots of love xx


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But now, looking at all the bits and pieces that made up Byun Baekhyun – his three moles, in particular the one on his slender fingers, sharp jawline, pronounced collarbones, and the definition of his back which bore resemblance of a fallen angel – they were all beautiful.

Chanyeol was dosing off with his head against the doorframe of his own hotel room. The hallways were waking up and the clanging of pots and pans from the hotel kitchen signaled that it was near breakfast time.

Chanyeol groaned and massaged his back. He had been sitting outside the room for over four hours now and dawn had finally broken. Baekhyun had wanted him out of sight and so he complied. It was still early. It had been a late night for both of them and Chanyeol wasn’t about to wake up the older yet. Still sprawled languidly on the carpeted hotel ground, Chanyeol stretched out his sore legs and cursed when they let out a creak. Still four more hours until his meeting with Harin.

Suddenly, he was torn from his reverie. There was an ugly squelching sound, the sound you would hear if a bucket of muddy water was sloshed down the drain, followed by heavy coughing and staggered breaths. It came from inside his hotel room.

‘Baekhyun!’ Chanyeol thumped his fists on the wooden door, ‘Baekhyun, are you alright?’

There was no answer but more of the unpleasant noise.

‘Baek, I’m coming in!’ Chanyeol rummaged for his key card and in the chaos, he hadn’t heard the weak voice asking him not to. 

 

‘Baek!’ Chanyeol ran toward the toilet which was the only lit area in the expansive room. The curtains were still drawn from last night and one could never be able to tell whether it was day or night.

‘Shit, are you okay, Baek?’ Chanyeol immediately crouched down to examine the other who was pale-faced and breathing heavily. Baekhyun had one arm draped on the toilet seat, the other lying limply on the marbled floor. ‘I’m fine, I probably just had something stale last nigh-’. He hadn’t managed to finish his sentence when he suddenly cowered over and vomited into the toilet bowl. Chanyeol ran to fetch more tissues from the bedroom and quickly wiped Baekhyun’s mouth, chin and jaw for any remnants.

‘Leave it to me, I can handle it,’ Baekhyun reached for the tissues in Chanyeol’s hand, ‘Just sit outside, the stench is sickening and I don’t want to get this mess all over you…’ Just saying all that was already taking a toll on Baekhyun as he gasped for breath in between phrases.

Chanyeol was still kneeling next to him and Baekhyun could sense that he had no intention of leaving. Too exhausted to push him away, he reluctantly accepted Chanyeol’s presence. Chanyeol stroked his back in a soothing manner and Baekhyun’s breaths gradually calmed. The room returned to its original peace and quiet and Chanyeol finally decided it was safe for Baekhyun to leave the toilet.

‘Come on, let’s get you changed.’ The hoodie Baekhyun had been wearing was almost entirely drenched with whatever he had been throwing up and even to himself, the stench was unbearable. But Chanyeol’s expression was unchanging, still a mixture of concern and tenderness. One would think he was immune to the foul smell.

Chanyeol sat Baekhyun down on the bed and later returned with a t-shirt three sizes too big. He tugged on Baekhyun’s hoodie, ‘Hands up.’ Baekhyun could only oblige. Hands raised, Chanyeol pulled the hoodie off Baekhyun and hastily wiped the other’s torso with a warm towel before sliding the fresh t-shirt over.

‘Sorry about your hoodie…’ Baekhyun murmured, ‘I’ll buy you a new one.’

‘How can you be worrying about a stupid hoodie now?’ Chanyeol snapped, ‘And you really don’t have to. If you still remember, you were the one who brought me this hoodie. Birthday present. 2018. Remember?’

Baekhyun was speechless. He didn’t know Chanyeol would keep such an antique. It wasn’t even branded, just a plain hoodie that Baekhyun thought would look good on Chanyeol and so he bought it. 2018. Chanyeol had even remembered the year it was given to him. Chanyeol picked up the dirtied hoodie and chucked it into the washing machine. The tissues that were strewn on the toilet tiles, he picked up as well and put them in the bin.

Baekhyun felt a surge of gratitude for Chanyeol because even he himself was quite disgusted at the retching and the revolting stench. Yet Chanyeol who barely did his own housekeeping, Chanyeol who had an issue with anything that wasn’t spick and span, Chanyeol whom he had yelled at and banished from his own room, was cleaning up after him with his bare hands without so much as a complaint or a sliver of annoyance. Baekhyun could only gape at the busy giant who was darting here and there to tidy up the mess.

 

The room returned to its neat state and Chanyeol was back by his side again. There was a strange sense of security and comfort whenever Chanyeol was next to him. Baekhyun felt like a kid finally being reunited with his baby blanket or a law student being presented with his daily dose of caffeine. That kind of safety and relief.

‘How are you feeling?’ Chanyeol whispered, his palm on Baekhyun’s forehead once again. Baekhyun was still burning up. ‘Here, take these pills.’ Chanyeol offered him two pills and a cup of water.

‘They won’t work,’ Baekhyun breathed, his voice still soft and weak from the retching.

‘What do you mean? Even if it doesn’t fully cure your flu or whatever, at least you’ll feel better with it.’

‘They won’t work,’ Baekhyun repeated and closed his eyes, snuggling deeper into the covers of the big king-sized bed.

Chanyeol was evidently puzzled but Baekhyun didn’t want to explain further.

‘I have… my own special pills but they’re not with me right now. I just need some sleep…’ And then he drifted off into ragged breaths.

Chanyeol wiped Baekhyun’s hands. There were still hints of the unpleasant smell. Baekhyun didn’t budge so Chanyeol began to slowly clean Baekhyun’s palms, then his long, slender fingers that he had always thought looked so pretty and porcelain-like. That was done and Chanyeol tucked Baekhyun’s arms into the duvet. Baekhyun stirred.

‘Chanyeol-ah,’ he murmured.

‘Yes, Baek?’

There was no coherent answer that came from the older but a muffled mush of sounds, amongst which Chanyeol could make out: ‘stay’. And so Chanyeol did. He stayed staring at Baekhyun’s serene face, occasionally reaching out to part his bangs or trace his jawline, listening to the long-forgotten lullaby of soft whimpers. ‘Stay’, Baekhyun sighed for the umpteenth time. Every single time, Chanyeol would answer, ‘I’m here, I’m always here.’

 

* * *

 

Baekhyun woke up feeling disgusting. His tongue still had a tinge of the sour aftertaste and his stomach was growling. The glory of the afternoon sun had presented itself and Baekhyun winced at the bright cracks between the drapes. It took a few seconds for him to figure out where he was, a king-sized bed, a muggy hotel room and ruffled sheets with no one beside him. For a split second, he almost had to make sure he was fully clothed because the whole situation practically suggested that perhaps there was someone else he had spent the night with and perhaps, had done something stupid with.

It wasn’t until Baekhyun heard the faint sound of someone talking did he recall the events from a few hours ago. The voice was Chanyeol’s, he would remember anywhere. Chanyeol was obviously trying his best to whisper but with the thin hotel walls, his attempt was in vain.

‘Sorry, I don’t think I can make it today… I’m so sorry for skiving last minute… A friend needs my help, I don’t think I can leave him alone.’ Chanyeol sounded more relieved that apologetic.

The speaker on the other end must have understood because Chanyeol replied, ‘Thanks Harin. See you around.’

Harin. It was Harin. Baekhyun suddenly remembered overhearing his assistant asking Chanyeol out that night after Minseok’s sister’s wedding. Baekhyun wasn’t sure what to make of the turn of events – he was guilty from feeling so giddy and elated at the fact that Chanyeol had chosen him over a date but… it was Harin. Baekhyun knew he was jeopardising the chance of happiness of two of the most important people in his life. He knew he being selfish, that he should have gone up to Chanyeol and tell him that he was okay now, that Chanyeol should go meet Harin. But he didn’t.

 

Chanyeol didn’t make an appearance until at least half an hour later. By then, Baekhyun had already propped himself up with a pillow.

‘How’re you feeling?’ Chanyeol asked as he made himself comfortable on the empty side of the bed.

‘Better,’ Baekhyun reassured.

‘Are you up for some breakfast? Room service? I hear their pancakes are pretty decent. Definitely incomparable to the buttermilk ones I make but they’re edible,’ Chanyeol winked.

‘I’d like that.’

While Chanyeol was busy placing their order, Baekhyun’s phone rang.

‘Boss! Junmyeon oppa called me last night! He mentioned you were sick and had no medication. Fuck! How could I have forgotten to return your pills! Please don’t fire me, boss! And are you alright? How are you feeling? Should I call Dr. Cho for you? Tell me where you are, I’ll come find you, I’m just an hour away from Seoul.’

‘Jeez, Harin, calm down. I’m fine. I don’t know what Junmyeon said but he was probably exaggerating. Just a slight fever, nothing crazy, don’t worry. Although I really would appreciate you returning my pills,’ Baekhyun spoke as softly as he could into the receiver.

‘Are you home? I’ll come over directly.’

‘No, no, no, I’m… at a friend’s place.’

‘Oh?’ Harin sounded relieved. If Baekhyun was well enough to entertain company, then it she reckoned he wasn’t that ill after all. ‘I’ll sit in that coffee shop near your place. Let me know when you’re back, no hurry. I need to get your medication to you ASAP.’

‘Mhm,’ Baekhyun hummed, ‘Thanks. Drive safe.’

 

Chanyeol was still on the phone with the concierge asking for a replacement of towels and sheets, possibly due to the calamity the night before.

‘Have some water,’ Chanyeol mouthed as he handed Baekhyun a warm glass. Their fingers brushed one another’s and Baekhyun smiled at the warmth.

‘Do you have any plans for today?’ Baekhyun tested.

‘Nope. I don’t have many friends in Seoul now – just you guys, EXO & Co., and a few producers here and there.’

‘What about a girlfriend?’ It was an awfully sudden question but Baekhyun blamed the fever. It was his fever speaking.

‘Girlfriend? Haven’t got time for one,’ Chanyeol answered absent-mindedly. He was still checking out the room service menu, contemplating whether he should place an extra order of fries.

‘What do you think about Harin?’

To Chanyeol, who hadn’t really been paying much attention to the string of questions, Baekhyun’s interrogation didn’t seem to bear any logical cohesion or relevance. ‘What about her?’

‘I think she’s interested in you.’ Baekhyun had his head down and was playing with a lone strand of thread from the duvet.

What Baekhyun said caught Chanyeol’s attention. Wasn’t Harin Baekhyun’s girlfriend? How could he suggest that his girlfriend was interested in another man? Even if Chanyeol was a close friend, it was still absurd to think that Baekhyun would casually say that as if it didn’t matter.

‘Huh? What do you mean she’s interested in me? She’s _your_ girlfriend for goodness sake!’

‘Didn’t she ask you out on a date?’

Chanyeol froze. That wasn’t a date… was it? ‘That wasn’t a date, was it?’ he read out whatever was on his mind. ‘She just mentioned coffee. It was just to catch up.’

Baekhyun scoffed, ‘How dense are you Park Chanyeol?’

‘No, Baek. Don’t get it wrong, please. I promise I have no feelings for her and I most certainly have no intention of breaking you guys up. I promise! She’s liked you for years, you and I both know that.’ Chanyeol traced back to the confession note they had discovered years back in their dorm. ‘That note she left in our room before, don’t you remember? She’s had her eyes on you all along!’

‘That was for you.’ Baekhyun deadpanned.

‘Wait wha-’ Chanyeol spluttered, ‘But you said- you said she left it for you…?’ He shook his head in bewilderment. ‘But Baek, it doesn’t matter now, does it? She’s with you now. Her and I never happened and will never happen. You know who the only person I’ve ever about is. You know it.’

‘She’s just a sister to me and she really likes you,’ Baekhyun forced a feeble smile. ‘She still mentions your name every now and then, after all these years.’

‘Wait, so you’re saying you and Harin aren’t together?’

‘She likes you Chanyeol. She really, really likes you.’ Baekhyun repeated the statement as a broken radio would.

‘But you know who _I_ like.’ Chanyeol spoke in a small voice but he was certain Baekhyun heard it.

‘Give her a chance will you? Give yourself and Harin both a chance to be happy. You deserve it.’ Baekhyun turned his back away from Chanyeol who was still sitting on the bed with a gaping hole in his mouth.

‘I won’t be happy.’ Chanyeol had hoped to utilize their spontaneous night together to finally get to Baekhyun and catch up with all the time they had missed. He wanted to let Baekhyun know how much he had missed him, how sorry he was and most of all, that there had always been a missing piece in his life after leaving the group. But it was going all wrong. This wasn’t what he had expected to happen. ‘Byun Baekhyun, do you hear me? This isn’t what I want.’

‘Chanyeol, Harin is a nice girl – she’s smart, pretty and kind. She’s good at cooking and works hard. Your parents will love her.’

‘What about you? What about your chance to be happy?’

The air stilled and there was no answer to be heard. After what seemed like eons, Baekhyun spoke. ‘As long as you two are happy, I’ll be happy too.’

Tears had begun to well up in Chanyeol’s eyes as he stared at the smaller boy who now had his back turned against him. Was Baekhyun actually happy? Was he smiling? Was he nonchalant? Did Baekhyun still care about him or were all the years of him pining just a one-way street? ‘Byun Baekhyun, _you_ make me happy.’

 

 

 

> ‘Jjajangmyeon or fried chicken tonight?’ Chanyeol had one hand on the resident phone and the other waving two takeaway menus.
> 
> ‘Park, you really do have the palette of a five-year-old,’ Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he stretched lazily on the couch, his legs resting comfortably on Chanyeol’s thighs. ‘Chicken.’ He finally decided.
> 
> It was low season. They had just had a comeback two months ago so all the promotions had been concluded. Their concert was still pending confirmation from a few more sponsors and coincidentally, the dramas that the pair were involved in had wrapped up. It was only the two of them left in the dorm that night. Most of the other members had taken the opportunity to return home for a day or two but Chanyeol’s family was out of the country and Baekhyun couldn’t be bothered to travel to Bucheon.
> 
> Baekhyun was feasting on a bowl of stale popcorn when he finally caught a glimpse of the clock that spelt 9:30 pm. ‘Switch to channel 4!’ He pounded Chanyeol’s thighs with his foot, ‘I’m on, I’m on!’
> 
> Chanyeol scowled at his overexcited friend but obediently tuned in. The program was a replay of an episode of ‘Moon Lovers’, a historical drama that Baekhyun was involved in. It had already been aired earlier that week but of course Baekhyun would lose no chance to see himself on the big screen one more time.
> 
> ‘Wow… IU sunbaenim is really pretty…’ Chanyeol had his eyes glued onto the screen. He was jabbed by Baekhyun once again, chiding him to pay attention to himself and not just to the beautiful actress.
> 
> IU was playing Haesoo, a pleasant girl that captured the hearts of many of the princes, including Wang Eun, the 10thPrince, played by Baekhyun.
> 
> The doorbell rang and Chanyeol hurried to the door. ‘Fried chicken and beer!’ Chanyeol announced, holding up the two bags of food. Baekhyun pushed the mess on the table to one side and motioned Chanyeol to set the table.
> 
>  
> 
> ‘Wang Eun was forced to marry Soon-deok when he was still in love with Haesoo, you see. That’s why he’s so frustrated and upset. And this is where-’ Baekhyun explained as he stuffed himself with a mouthful of chicken.
> 
> ‘Shhhh! I’ve watched the earlier episodes already, I know what’s happening,’ Chanyeol cut him off. Baekhyun smiled proudly – so Chanyeol was up to date with his drama and presumably had enjoyed it.
> 
> Haesoo was banging on the embellished wooden door of Wang Eun’s room. It was his wedding day yet he had refused to cooperate, much to the concern of everyone in the palace. The door finally creaked open as Haesoo threatened not to speak to Wang Eun anymore and the screen now showed Wang Eun seated on the floor with empty bottles of alcohol strewn around him.
> 
> _‘I’m stupid. I know that… I’ve always been stupid. That is probably why you don’t like me.’_ Wang Eun said in a defeated tone, his eyes dull with sadness.
> 
> _‘I was happiest while I was with you, Your Highness.’_ Haesoo said and Chanyeol repeated it word for word, enacting her doe eyes dramatically.
> 
> ‘Shut up,’ a second cushion was thrown in his direction, ‘IU sunbaenim is a 12 out of 10 and you’re a 3 at best, Park.’
> 
> _‘You laugh when you’re happy and you cry when you’re sad,’_ Haesoo continued, _‘So I was able to laugh, cry and get angry to my heart’s content.’_
> 
> _‘I knew from the beginning you would never become mine,’_ Wang Eun said, avoiding Haesoo’s gaze _. ‘Did you… ever even like me?’_ Wang Eun asked, his once sparkly eyes overpowered by pain and hurt.
> 
> The pair were captivated by the drama and Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride for his friend who had captured the youthfulness and purity of the 10thPrince so well.
> 
>  
> 
> All of a sudden, the lights went off and the TV crackled to a blackout. There was no other source of light other than the dim twinkle of streetlights down on the road. The flat was pitch black.
> 
> Baekhyun let out a stifled shout of surprise and Chanyeol immediately felt a small body huddle next to him.
> 
> ‘Chanyeol?’
> 
> He draped an arm over Baekhyun’s smaller shoulders in assurance. ‘Sit here, I’ll go figure out what’s happened. Maybe it’s just the main switch that’s jumped…’
> 
> ‘Don’t go!’ Baekhyun scrambled to his feet and tugged at the taller’s sleeve. ‘I’ll come with you.’
> 
> The pair felt their way around the furniture and reached the fuse box that was thankfully just an arm’s length away on the kitchen wall. Chanyeol squinted at the switches as Baekhyun shone his phone’s flashlight at the fuse box and to their surprise, the switches were all flipped correctly.
> 
> ‘It’s a blackout I guess… Everyone in the vicinity is probably experiencing the same problem…’ Chanyeol stepped toward the window and looked out. Indeed, all the residential blocks in sight were pitch black.
> 
> ‘What now?’ Baekhyun asked, his voice wavering as he tightened his hold on Chanyeol.
> 
> ‘We just sit and wait,’ Chanyeol was unperturbed and picked up a new piece of chicken, munching on it wholeheartedly.
> 
> ‘But… but it’s dark.’ Baekhyun was still standing next to him, one hand on the hem of his jumper.
> 
> ‘We can go outside if you want, but manager hyung would kill us if we caused a commotion in case anyone spotted us on the street,’ Chanyeol analysed patiently. ‘If you’re really bothered by this, I can drive us back to the company, my scooter’s just downstairs.’
> 
> ‘Um…,’ Baekhyun bit his lower lip. ‘I.. I think I can try staying here…’
> 
> Chanyeol smiled and ruffled the older boy’s hair, ‘That’s good. I’ll stay right here and you,’ he patted the space next to himself, ‘you can sit here so I don’t lose you.’
> 
>  
> 
> They were back to their takeaway of fried chicken. Without the TV, the two began to talk amongst themselves. There was never a lack of topics to go on about. Even after all these years of roommateship, the two were still chatty as ever. There always seemed to be that anecdote they had not told the other, or a new piece of gossip they had overheard that day.
> 
> ‘Did you know that manager hyung once told me that he was the first in all the 1500m races while he was serving the army?’ Baekhyun said.
> 
> ‘No way! He’d be lucky if he even managed to complete the race I bet! Let alone win it…’ Chanyeol shook his head in disbelief.
> 
> ‘No! For real, that’s what he told me. And, he showed me a photo of the letter which commended him for it!’ Baekhyun nudged Chanyeol excitedly.
> 
> Chanyeol had gotten used to the darkness by then and even without having to squint, he could make out the features on Baekhyun’s face. He could see some BBQ sauce that was painted on the tip of Baekhyun’s nose as he waved the flailing piece of chicken this way and that. Chanyeol reached for Baekhyun’s nose wiped the sauce off with his finger. Baekhyun was obviously taken aback by the sudden contact because he reclined slightly and the chattering stopped.
> 
> ‘Thanks,’ he breathed.
> 
> For the first time, Chanyeol was grateful for the blackout. Ever since that night post-practice when he had carried Baekhyun on his back in the rain, he had felt a tingling sensation whenever Baekhyun was around. The older boy was in a faded, pastel-coloured hoodie. His grey bangs were tied up in a small tuft such that it stood up in small bunch. Baekhyun seemed to have forgotten about the fact that they were sitting in complete darkness and was humming satisfyingly at the fried chicken. Chanyeol stared at the other’s Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He had seen fan-taken photos of up-close of the members’ lips, moles, hands, and yes, even Adam’s apples (however odd that might sound), and he had always laughed it off, never understanding why on earth people would be intrigued by their far-from-perfect parts. His fans loved his ears, yet that was the feature he loathed the most about himself. He soon realized that it wasn’t what he did or how he looked like that mattered to his fans. The mere fact that he existed, breathed, and showed up, was already enough to drive the crowds crazy. It was both an endearing and absurd thought. But now, looking at all the bits and pieces that made up Byun Baekhyun – his three moles, in particular the one on his slender fingers, sharp jawline, pronounced collarbones, and the definition of his back which bore resemblance of a fallen angel – they were all beautiful.
> 
> Chanyeol quickly took a sip of the icy beer. His mind was going crazy. With the electricity down, the air-conditioner and fans were unusable as well and that was no help in cooling him down. Baekhyun seemed to be taunting him, his Adam’s apple still sliding up and down, up and down. It was driving him mad. Thank goodness it was dark enough for him to hide his sweat and blushing cheeks because Baekhyun, he thought, would have freaked out to see a man look at him this way.
> 
> ‘Yeol-ah, I’m done,’ Baekhyun licked his upper lip, the way he always did whenever he was concluding a speech or anxious, ‘I want to wash my hands.’
> 
> ‘The toilet’s that way. You don’t need me to bring you there do you?’ Chanyeol teased.
> 
> After a moment’s hesitation, Baekhyun asked in a small voice, ‘Could you…?’
> 
> Chanyeol was amused at how adorable Baekhyun was. Albeit older than himself, Baekhyun had always felt like the younger one, and possibly even younger than Sehun at times. Chanyeol stood behind Baekhyun as he rubbed his hands and Chanyeol could smell the sweet fragrance of lavender soap.
> 
> ‘Chanyeol?’ Baekhyun suddenly piped, ‘I… um… I need to go to the loo as well…’
> 
> ‘Oh right, sorry, I’ll step outside.’ Chanyeol was flustered.
> 
> ‘But… I don’t want to stay in here myself…’ the voice shivered, ‘Can you… stay in here with me? Just… look away…?’
> 
> Chanyeol was just glad the toilet was completely enclosed and void of windows because any sliver of light would have exposed how incredibly red he was. ‘Yeah,’ he tried his best to keep his tone neutral, ‘Of course, I’ll stay here. You just… do your thing.’
> 
> It was nothing out of the ordinary and in a minute or so, Baekhyun was done.
> 
> ‘I… Um… Thank you.’
> 
> ‘Don’t worry about it.’
> 
> True, Baekhyun had seen each and every member naked with all the showers together he had surprised them with. Admittedly, Chanyeol hadn’t been a huge fan of those episodes because as much as he was confident with his body, there was something uneasy about standing so close to someone else nude – even his mother hadn’t seen him that way since he stepped into high school. But even so, even if Baekhyun had seen parts of him already, there was still something so raw and tantalizing about the fact that they were shrouded in darkness. Every movement the other made could only be seen as a shadow and a silhouette. It was the added mysterious element which resulted in unnecessary speculation and imagination that prompted one to be so aroused by darkness.
> 
> Chanyeol put his arm around Baekhyun’s waist. It was so thin, as if a single gust of wind could break him into half. Baekhyun didn’t shake him off or shoot back a snark comment. He just let Chanyeol have his arm over him. Just like that.
> 
> They stood awkwardly at the door of the toilet, Baekhyun standing on the slightly elevated threshold but still remained a head smaller than Chanyeol.
> 
> Chanyeol could feel his heart race and perhaps it was a trick of mind but he swore he felt Baekhyun’s heartbeat speed up as well. Chanyeol’s breaths were ragged now, his arm wrapped ever tighter around the older. Before he could make sense of what he was about to do next, Chanyeol felt a light peck on his lips. Just ever so lightly, but it did happen. The small figure he thought was trapped in his embrace simply slid away and darted into the living room.
> 
> ‘It’s a thank you gift!’ A giggly voice called out from the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you guys watched 'Moon Lovers'? Truth be told, I haven't finished the series but I watched all the cuts with Baekhyun in them HAHA. The scene I've quoted is the one that I love the most - Baekhyun played Wang Eun so well! You can feel all the sadness, frustration and love he was feeling all at once ;-; If you haven't seen it, do watch that part! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3p8JYWI4c0&t=383s - not my video, credits to the owner!)
> 
> Finally, thanks for reading and please leave comments! They make my day and I love hearing what you guys have to say about the story! 
> 
> Lots of love xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Doctor, doctor! How’s Baekhyun doing?’ Chanyeol hurried toward the coated man who had just walked out of Baekhyun’s curtained chamber in the A&E.
> 
> ‘I’m Dr. Cho. Are you family?’
> 
> ‘Friend. I was the one who brought him in.’
> 
> ‘Where’s Harin?’
> 
> ‘You know Harin?’
> 
> ‘Yes, Mr…’
> 
> ‘Mr. Park. Call me Chanyeol.’
> 
> ‘Yes, Chanyeol, I’ve always only dealt with Harin when it comes to Baekhyun’s medical… matters. As his friend, I assume you know about his complications.’
> 
> Complications? Was the doctor referring to Baekhyun’s occasional migraines? Or the vomiting? The fevers? They were all just minor occurrences, no?

‘Byun Baekhyun,  _you_  make me happy.’Chanyeol repeated in his deep husky voice.

‘Chanyeol-ah,’ Baekhyun was whispering now, ‘Don’t say these things anymore. There is only so much bravery one can possess. I’m afraid I exhausted all of mine holding up the weight of the world while you abandoned me and left for London.’

Chanyeol had never known a set of words could invoke so much guilt and pain for he felt like someone had thrown him in a mincer and churned him twenty times round. Baekhyun was right. He did leave Baekhyun alone to face all the pressure, contempt and stigma. But all Chanyeol could say now was ‘sorry’.

‘I wish “sorry”s could wipe the slate clean too, Yeol. I don’t hate you so you don’t have to apologise. I just- I just really wished there was an explanation for why you just… disappeared.’

 

‘We were young, Baek, and I was stupid. I didn’t learn to cherish what I had until I lost it all.’ Until I lost you, Chanyeol thought.

‘Why did you leave?’ Baekhyun hadn’t wanted to bring up the topic. Afterall, he knew Chanyeol would only be in town for a week or so, and years had gone by, it wouldn’t even matter why he did what he did.

‘I- I left because…’ Chanyeol stammered, ‘Please just listen to me Baek, I know I was an idiot and you have all the right to be disappointed, pissed, furious at me, but just… just look at me, please…’ Chanyeol begged. ‘You just have to believe me when I tell you that I’m telling the truth now. I know it’s a lot to ask. Look me in the eye and you can decide for yourself whether I’m lying.’

Chanyeol crawled towards Baekhyun, supporting himself by the elbows. The springs on the bed creaked and Baekhyun could feel a gust of warm air caress his cheeks. He could feel Chanyeol’s presence now but he didn’t return his gaze for fear that a moment’s weakness would cause him to break the protective shield he had so carefully constructed.

‘Baek,’ Chanyeol began, more warm air brushed against his cheeks. Chanyeol smelt of peppermint and honey, a scent Baekhyun had grown to love. ‘Baek, what if I told you that there’s always been this one person and only one, that would’ve done anything for? I don’t _want_ Harin, or anyone else for that matter. I _need_ someone who drives me up the wall when he screams at his video games, someone who manages to forge lullabies out of the weird sleeping noises he makes, someone who doesn’t know his limits at dance practices, someone who sniffles while he eats, someone who perpetually forgets to remove his makeup after performances…’

Chanyeol was still perched just centimetres away from his face.

‘Wow, that “someone” seems like a complete mess…’ Baekhyun commented.

‘Perhaps… But he’s _my_ mess.’

‘You’ve always had a way with words.’ Baekhyun’s gaze was fixated on the far end of the room.

‘What do you think, Baek?’ Chanyeol nudged the other on the back. ‘Can we… start over…? As friends,’ Chanyeol added urgently, ‘I mean, if you’re not ready…’

Chanyeol’s arms had begun to ache from the weight of his upper body. He was still perched less than a handspan away from Baekhyun’s face. ‘What do you say?’

‘I think…’ Baekhyun finally looked up at the pair of doe eyes that were blinking expectantly, ‘I think I’d like to be friends.’

Being ‘friends’ might not have seemed much, but to Chanyeol, it already marked a significant improvement. Friends, more than friends, strangers and finally, friends again. They had come full circle.

 

* * *

 

After their promised breakfast of pancakes, Baekhyun began to pack and was ready to leave by noon. The afternoon was in full bloom and even the air-conditioner was groaning at the overload. He was feeling nauseous again, his heading spinning. Perhaps it was the heat.

‘Where are you headed? I’ll drop you. I’m going back to SM to visit some of our choreographers,’ Chanyeol said.

‘I’m going the other way,’ Baekhyun waved him off, ‘I’ll see you around.’

‘Baek,’ Chanyeol called as Baekhyun turned to leave, ‘I’m leaving tomorrow.’

There was a pause but Baekhyun recovered just as quickly as he had been startled. ‘I hope these few days in Seoul have been eventful. Let me know when you’re back in town next time.’ Baekhyun hoped this wouldn’t be their final goodbye but he knew, deep down, that perhaps this was it. At least they had managed to forge some sort of reconciliation, closure, a friendship even.

‘Are you free tonight? Drinks?’ Chanyeol shouted as Baekhyun departed a second time.

‘I’m sure there are more friends who would die to meet you, Chanyeol. Don’t spend all your time on me!’ Baekhyun hollered without looking back.

 

Baekhyun almost lost his composure as he slid down onto the floor of the lift lobby in heavy pants. His head had started aching half an hour ago and now it was positively threatening to crack into half. He needed his medication and he needed it quick.

‘Baekhyun! You left your-’ Chanyeol bounded toward the lifts with a bunch of keys in hand.

Baekhyun didn’t even have enough time to scramble up from the floor when he heard Chanyeol scream his name.

‘Baek! What’s wrong? Headache again?’ He felt a pair of hands grasp his, shaking them urgently to catch his attention. The world was a spinning and everything had become a whirlwind of colours. Baekhyun tried his best to stand up but it was in vain as he slid down roughly against the wall once more, his hands and feet slipping on the polished tiles, trying to get a grip of something but it was to no avail. He felt a strong pair of hands support his back and knees. It was as if he were as light as paper that the person thrusted his entire body upwards and then everything turned dark.

 

* * *

 

 

Baekhyun woke up to the sickening smell of antiseptics and alcohol and monotonous mechanical beeps. His headache had subsided but he still couldn’t figure out where he was. White curtains, white separators, white linen and people in white uniforms darting around. The hospital. That was it. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the only object that was not a variation of black and whites. Chanyeol, in his multi-coloured wind-breaker, was slumped head-first on the edge of his bed. Baekhyun coughed and immediately regretted it because Chanyeol stirred and got up.

‘How’re you feeling?’ He smiled, stroking Baekhyun on the head. He seemed to be asking Baekhyun this question a lot these days, far too much for his liking.

Baekhyun coughed some more and stretched his arm to pick up the glass by his bed. Chanyeol got to it first and carefully tipped the liquid toward Baekhyun’s dry lips.

‘Hmmm,’ Baekhyun hummed contentedly.

The bedside table was adorned with ‘get well soon’ cards and flowers, still fragrant and fresh.

‘How long was I sleep for?’

‘Not long. Just…,’ Chanyeol glanced at his watch, ‘Approximately 24 hours. I’ll get someone to bring you food, you must be starving.’

It felt like déjà vu – it seemed like Baekhyun was always falling sick, waking up and then filling up his stomach.

‘Jjajangmyeon would be nice,’ he nudged Chanyeol excitedly.

‘You wish! Dr. Cho just told me-’ he paused mid-sentence.

  

> ‘Doctor, doctor! How’s Baekhyun doing?’ Chanyeol hurried toward the coated man who had just walked out of Baekhyun’s curtained chamber in the A&E.
> 
> ‘I’m Dr. Cho. Are you family?’
> 
> ‘Friend. I was the one who brought him in.’
> 
> ‘Where’s Harin?’
> 
> ‘You know Harin?’
> 
> ‘Yes, Mr…’
> 
> ‘Mr. Park. Call me Chanyeol.’
> 
> ‘Yes, Chanyeol, I’ve always only dealt with Harin when it comes to Baekhyun’s medical… matters. As his friend, I assume you know about his complications.’
> 
> Complications? Was the doctor referring to Baekhyun’s occasional migraines? Or the vomiting? The fevers? They were all just minor occurrences, no?
> 
> ‘You did a good job sending Baekhyun in,’ Dr. Cho continued, ‘Any later and the consequences would have been unfathomable.’
> 
> ‘Harin’s on her way over here. I’ve been out of town for a while, Dr. Cho so forgive me for not being updated with Baekhyun’s situation. Would you mind giving me the full picture?’
> 
> ‘In short, Baekhyun was diagnosed with stomach cancer. We discovered it early so it’s been relatively manageable… But of course, if Baekhyun were more cooperative, his treatment would be way more effective… That’s all I can tell you. The rest of it I’d better leave it to Harin. She’s his guardian after all, it’s not my place to tell, I’m sorry Mr. Park.’
> 
> Cancer. Stomach cancer. The words were still throbbing in Chanyeol’s mind. It was no common cold. Baekhyun was never ‘just tired’. He was sick and Chanyeol couldn’t even tell.
> 
> He peered into the hospital ward through the transparent glass panel. Baekhyun was still in deep sleep, the tiny drops of fluid from the IV drip descending in a regular pattern. Drip. Drip. Drip, as if counting down the months, days, minutes and seconds. It was just three years ago that he had danced side by side with that boy sleeping so soundly on the white sheets. He still remembered all the fights they had had. all the times they had ratted each other out for staying out past curfew, but now, everything had changed.

  

‘Baekhyun oppa!’ The door of the ward swung open in a resounding bang and cut Chanyeol in mid-sentence. ‘Do you know how worried I was?’ Harin whacked her handbag on Baekhyun’s shoulder repeatedly, ‘I. WAS. SO. SCARED. I. THOUGHT. YOU. WERE. GONE. FOREV-’ Just as Chanyeol was about to step in between the Harin and Baekhyun, Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Harin’s waist and held her tightly, ‘I’m still here, aren’t I?’ The murderous thumps were reduced to sobs. ‘Your mom would’ve killed me if she found out I helped you keep her in the dark about all this…’ Harin mumbled.

Chanyeol coughed, breaking up the pair. ‘Baekhyun-ah, didn’t you say you wanted to have something to eat?’

Harin turned around and blinked as if registering Chanyeol’s presence for the first time. ‘Chanyeol oppa? I thought you’d be halfway across the globe by now?’

Hearing this, Baekhyun scrambled for his phone. ‘Chanyeol! Your flight’s in an hour!’

‘I thought you’d never realise…’ Chanyeol laughed.

‘What are you still doing here, you idiot!’ Baekhyun shoved the giant off the side of his bed. ‘If you flag a cab and avoid the A40 highway, you might still be able to make it in time!’

‘I’m not leaving,’ Chanyeol answered with an air of finality.

‘What are you talking about?’ Baekhyun and Harin gasped simultaneously.

‘If you want me to leave so badly, then get well soon. Once you’re well, I promise I’ll take the first flight out.’

‘Park Chanyeol, look at me, I’m fitter than I’ve ever been,’ Baekhyun ripped off the adhesive tape that attached the needle of the IV drip to his arm to make a point, ‘You can go back to London now. You’ve got a life there, a job and clients waiting for you.’

Both Chanyeol and Harin immediately stooped down to control the difficult patient but it was to no avail. With a sigh, the nurse reattached the tubing.

’Now’s not the time to be difficult, Baek. You said it yourself, it’s _my_ job, _my_ clients and _my_ life. And I’ve decided that I’m staying here with you.’ Chanyeol was adamant about it.

Baekhyun had never been one to give up a fight and stubbornly tore the tubing off once more.

Harin sighed, ‘I think we should give Baekhyun oppa some time…’ Knowing Baekhyun, Harin was used to his mood swings. It had been so after EXO disbanded and she took on the role of assistant. He was never in a foul mood but there were days when he was less cheery than others and Harin would steer clear of him.

 

Chanyeol and Harin stepped out onto the chilly corridor and Harin motioned him to sit down on a chair next to her.

’So you know?’ She stared at the whitewashed wall in front.

‘How long has it been?’

‘Not long, just over two months ago.’ Harin paused, debating whether to continue.

‘Has he been receiving treatment?’

Harin shook her head and sighed. ‘He wouldn’t. He said…’ She paused yet again, the words stuck in her throat.

‘Why didn’t you make him?’ Chanyeol growled, evidently agitated. He knew it wasn’t Harin’s fault. Baekhyun was a grown adult. If he refused to be treated, nobody could force it on him.

‘Do you have any idea how much I wished he would give treatment a chance?’ Harin raised her voice. Her emotions had been running high ever since she received Dr. Cho’s call about Baekhyun being admitted.

‘Sorry… I know-’ Chanyeol was cut off by Harin.

‘You _think_ you know, Chanyeol, but you don’t. You don’t know anything at all,’ she coughed and big fat drops began to roll down her cheeks. ‘Do you know why Baekhyun oppa refused to start chemo? It was because he didn’t want you to see him like that. He knew you’d be back for the wedding and he told me that he wanted you to see him at his best. He wanted to still be the Baekhyun you used to know. He didn’t want your last memory of him to be tainted with pity. Do you know how much he believed that you would return to EXO, to Seoul? Days, months and even years after EXO disbanded, he still had so much faith in you. Even when I told him to give up, that you probably had a new life in London, probably forgot all about Korea, he was still certain you would be back. Do you know how much pressure he was under after you left but the rumours were still emblazoned on national news? Do you know how much he suffered from antis and sasaengs who spammed him with messages blaming him about the group’s disbandment? Do you know how many sleepless nights Baekhyun oppa had to endure? He couldn’t bear sleeping in a silent room. His TV was never off, the music was always on because he told me, one drunk night, that his mind would bring back memories of you, memories he so desperately wanted to erase whenever it was quiet. Do you know how many alcohol bottles I had to clear away every morning when I visited his place? How many consultations he’s attended? How many bottles of pills he’s taken and how many more he’s overdosed on?’

Chanyeol sat frozen on the icy plastic chair.

‘Park Chanyeol, don’t tell me you know, because you really don’t.’

‘I-,’ Chanyeol was positively lost for words. If he thought he despised himself for not discovering Baekhyun’s condition earlier, he now loathed himself a hundred times more.

Harin stood up and looked at Chanyeol. ‘I’ll always have my boss’ back. If he thinks you should leave, I highly recommend you to as well. But if you’re staying, I beg you to think through what you want. Baekhyun oppa doesn’t have time for more of your immaturity and selfishness.’

With that, she stomped back into the ward and shut the door behind her, leaving Chanyeol glued to his seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUM DUM DUMMMM big reveal - I PROMISE MY BIAS IS BBH so I've been feeling quite melancholic that the fic had to go this way so to compensate, I'll be grabbing a copy of CITY LIGHTS as soon as it's out! gonna shamelessly promote baek's album because woweeee it looks lit - have you all watched the concept film and seen the pics?? I'M SO EXCITED IT'S UNREAL!! If y'all haven't, here's the link to the concept film (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oc-__IN4FM) and do go to @weareone.exo 's instagram for updated teasers!  
> ALSO a quite vote of whether you prefer the DAY ver or the NIGHT ver please! I'm still so torn on which to get!!!!!!!!!! pls help a girl out xx
> 
> also I realised this fic has gradually stagnated... With this staggeringly slow speed of updates, I can't say I'm surprised - so here I am updating asap so fingers crossed more of you will manage to leave comments on this chapter!  
> tysm for reading as always, and I'm so happy that some of you have told me that this fic's brought you on an emotional rollercoaster! 
> 
> lots of love xx


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew that he would’ve believed in anything Chanyeol said – even if Chanyeol had told him that he could capture the stars for him, he would still have believed – because it was Chanyeol. His Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol only dared walk into Baekhyun’s ward when he saw Harin traipse out after shooting him a death glare.

‘Chanyeol!’ Baekhyun smiled as he saw Chanyeol walk in. Baekhyun looked even tinier amongst the mess of thick linen and hospital machinery. Everything seemed oversized on him, from the pyjamas to the bed.

‘Hey you,’ Chanyeol greeted him with a smile and perched on the bedside stool.

‘I hope Harin didn’t give you a hard time,’ Baekhyun said in embarrassment.

‘She just said what had to be said. Enough about that, how are you feeling?’

Baekhyun ignored Chanyeol entirely and urgently questioned him about his decision to stay. ‘What about your job and your clients? Won’t your manager go nuts?’

‘I’ve already asked them to put my jobs on hold. Let me worry about my own problems. You, on the other hand, have to be responsible for your own health.’

Baekhyun was lying on one side with his eyes closed. From where he was sitting, Chanyeol could clearly see the bones outlining the sides of Baekhyun’s back, protruding like butterfly wings, like those of a fallen angel’s. He reached toward Baekhyun’s tiny figure and lay his hand on the prominent boney surface, lightly stroking the smaller’s back until he heard a satisfied hum escape.

‘Do you remember how much I used to hate this part of myself? I used to think it was ugly and freakish that the bones on my back jutted out so much...’ Baekhyun sighed.

‘I remember,’ Chanyeol nodded

‘And do you remember what you said about them?’

‘That it was a mark of an angel. Our concert in Japan, 2016, you even showed them off.’

‘Ah… Yes...’ Baekhyun’s eyes curved into mini crescents at the mention of the memory.

‘I stand by what I said, you’re a fallen angel, Baek.’ Chanyeol traced his fingers along Baekhyun’s back.

‘Do you still remember the old days?’ Baekhyun murmured.

‘Are you kidding? Most, if not all, of my memories of us were from those days,’ Chanyeol chuckled. ‘Remember when you spontaneously appeared on “Roommate”? You got home even earlier than I did!’

‘Of course I do… Manager hyung tried to persuade me from going but I really wanted to see where you were living all those weeks and who you were with…’

‘After you left, Se-ho hyung and Nana unnie continued to bring up your jokes – everyone loved you!’ Chanyeol beamed with pride and moved to stroke Baekhyun’s nape. Baekhyun shivered in contentment. It brought back memories from all the times when Baekhyun teared up at concerts and award shows. Chanyeol always reached for his nape and it was the only way he felt secure. There was EXO’luxion in 2015 and the Melon Music Awards in 2016. Both times, Baekhyun hadn’t managed to stop his tears from spilling but Chanyeol alone knew how to calm him down. He wasn’t usually a crybaby, unlike Suho, at least that was what he’d like to think.

 

Yet, during that concert in 2015, seeing all the handmade signs being waved about that read his name, he was touched and awestruck by the fans who still stood by his side despite the scandal that had plagued him in 2014. Together with the fact that the concert marked the last ever appearance of Tao, it was impossible not to feel extra emotional and shed a few tears.

 

2016 had also been a difficult year. EXO as a whole was going through a rough patch and spirits were running low. With 3 of the original 12 gone, the remaining members couldn’t help but reassess their decision to stay. No one had been catching enough sleep and the company didn’t even try to make life easier for them: it was just rehearsal after rehearsal, CF after CF. All the members were concerned about the award ceremony that year – not because they needed an extra trophy on the shelf, but because they all knew, deep down, that the group couldn’t withstand yet another blow to their morale. They needed some good news for a change.

 

 

> The air was cloudy from the artificial mist of the previous performance. ‘2016 Melon Music Awards, “Best Artist of the Year”, an idol group which has over 3 million fandom members all over the world, the number one idol – EXO!’ The crowd roared and streamers erupted from the ceiling. The audience were ecstatic, at least most of them were. Baekhyun had been overwhelmed with a jumble of emotions ranging from gratitude to relief as the 9 of them made their way onto the stage. They were all in blue velvet suits and black turtle necks. Baekhyun slowed to wait for Chanyeol and they shot each other a gaze of contentment. The back of their hands brushed onto each other’s as if to say ‘we did it’. Baekhyun could still hear Suho’s speech, their courteous and humble leader, thanking all those who had helped them, their fans, the company, and even complimenting a mass of other idol groups. When it was finally Baekhyun’s turn to speak, he took a minute to look across the expanse, at least a third of the audience were holding EXO fanlights and banners. He could spot one from afar which said ‘ChanBaek’ and he smiled at Chanyeol, hoping he saw it as well.
> 
> ‘We will work harder to prepare our stage for our eri-s,’ Baekhyun knew his voice was breaking and he closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose momentarily to stop the tears. All of a sudden, a hand stretched out and squeezed his shoulders and his nape. Baekhyun didn’t even have to look, it had to be Chanyeol. He took a deep breath and sniffed before maintaining composure once more. Chanyeol still had a tight grasp on his nape, his warm hands giving him a sense of security and comfort, just as he had all those times when Baekhyun needed a shoulder to lean on. ‘We will be an artist whom eri-s can be proud of. I sincerely thank you all. As much as this award is worth, we will work even harder in the future. Thank you.’ He wrapped up the speech and he felt Chanyeol pull away before screaming into the mic, ‘Thank you!’. As they turned their backs to the audience, Baekhyun felt Chanyeol inch closer and drape his arm across his shoulder once more. ‘You’ve done well, Baek. Things will only go uphill from here – 2017 will be even better,’ a low, hoarse voice whispered.

 

Baekhyun let out another hum of pleasure as Chanyeol’s fingers continued to graze along his nape.

‘Baek?’ Chanyeol tested to check if the other was asleep.

‘Hm?’

‘Can you promise me that you’ll get treated?’ His voice was gentle, matching the soft lull of the hospital machinery.

Baekhyun’s eyes sprung wide open. ‘You… know?’

‘Dr. Cho told me.’

‘Dammit… I told him not to tell anyone!’ Baekhyun’s voice was raised and he was fidgeting so much the drip wire was threatening to detach once more.

‘Shhh…’ Chanyeol leaned over and wrapped both his arms around the smaller body, ‘We’ll get through this together, I promise. You know I’ll always have your back, right?’

 

 

> ‘Hurry up, boys!’ Their manager hollered from the front entrance. Their plane to Thailand was departing in a few hours and the boys were doing some last-minute packing.
> 
> ‘Baek, do you think I should bring this grey shirt or the black vest?’ Chanyeol held up two options.
> 
> ‘They’re both nice…’ Baekhyun mumbled, massaging his temples.
> 
> Noting Baekhyun’s change in tone, Chanyeol hurried over to the other who was seated on the bed with his brows scrunched up. ‘Should I tell manager hyung you’re not feeling well? Maybe they can arrange for you to fly out tomorrow instead?’
> 
> ‘No… It’s fine, just a minor headache…’ Baekhyun stood up, staggered forwards and almost tripped on the mess of clothes and shoes.
> 
> ‘Easy there,’ Chanyeol grabbed the other’s arm.
> 
> ‘We’d better get going if we don’t want to miss the flight,’ Baekhyun reached for his suitcase and stumbled out the door.
> 
>  
> 
> ‘Best behaviour, boys!’ Junmyeon turned to remind the members. Their van had pulled up in front of the airport and the other arrived closely afterwards. Their suitcases were unloaded and the members began to file into the airport one by one. They were accustomed to the press and the flurry of fans that congested the entrance of the airport. Baekhyun had slept through the ride to the airport and Chanyeol had noticed that something was up. Baekhyun was usually the bubbly one, especially before their overseas concerts. But this time, he was the first to doze off and the last to get off the van. As they traipsed into the airport with some difficulty, the flashes from cameras and incessant shoving only exacerbated Baekhyun’s migraine. He adjusted his mask and pulled it up, avoiding the gaze of onlookers. His surroundings were growing increasingly blurry as if he were an outsider viewing a movie in slow motion.
> 
> ‘Baek! Baek!’ A hushed voice called out his name, wrenching him from his reverie. He was lagging behind and even Minseok noticed. Minseok gave Baekhyun a tug and Chanyeol slowed his pace. Baekhyun kept his head low and mask up as the cameras kept flashing and the crowds kept pushing…
> 
> All of a sudden, the flashes stopped and he was enveloped by a dark shadow. He glanced upward and to his surprise, Chanyeol had stepped in front of him and was posing for the cameras, waving his signature V-symbol in feigned innocence. Baekhyun smiled to himself and continued to bask in the comforting shadow that was his own little sanctuary. A few steps later, when the cameras were all too focused on Chanyeol’s showcase, Baekhyun gave Chanyeol’s other hand a little squeeze and the giant returned with another squeeze as if exchanging a ‘thank you’ and an ‘anytime’.
> 
>  

Baekhyun nuzzled into Chanyeol’s chest and the familiar fragrance of cologne made what Chanyeol was saying more convincing than ever. In that split second, Baekhyun knew that his feelings for the other had never truly subsided. They had merely been buried somewhere deep and dark, he himself too scared to confront them, but they had always been there. He knew that he would’ve believed in anything Chanyeol said – even if Chanyeol had told him that he could capture the stars for him, he would still have believed – because it was Chanyeol. His Chanyeol. ‘When does treatment start?’

 

 

* * *

 

 

Documents were signed and administrative work completed, and before long, Baekhyun’s treatment began.

Chanyeol had arranged for Baekhyun to be transferred to a more spacious ward with a living area and larger windows. The view wasn’t too shabby either, overlooking an expanse of greenery. Chanyeol had practically made the hospital his home as he stayed over almost every other night. He stored a set of pillows and duvet in the cloak cupboard in the corner and hauled them out at night after he put Baekhyun to bed. Baekhyun had always been a light sleeper but once the drugs kicked in, no amount of noise could wake him up. The nights were enjoyable, at least Chanyeol hoped they were. Chanyeol entertained the other with all the activities he could come up with that could fit into the hospital ward:

‘Baek, wanna play cards?’

‘How about a game of chess?’

‘Let me play you the first song I wrote in London!’

‘Nintendo Switch! I borrowed it from a friend. You can try beating me at it!’

‘Are we re-watching “Along with the Gods” tonight or “Train to Busan”? (The answer was almost always “Along with the Gods”, no matter which movie it was pitched against because Kyungsoo was in it and Baekhyun always poked fun of his role as the troublesome soldier.)

To Chanyeol’s suggestions, Baekhyun almost always complied and agreed. Was it out of courtesy that he didn’t want to dampen Chanyeol’s spirits or whether he had truly desired to engage in those activities, Chanyeol never was sure, but as long as Baekhyun was kept active and optimistic, he really couldn’t care less.

 

The mornings were harder. Whenever Chanyeol was around, he knew Baekhyun would put on a show and try his best not to let the pain show. Oftentimes, he would spot Baekhyun clutching a fistful of his bedsheets as he lay limply on the bed, sweat raining down his forehead. He wouldn’t make a sound but Chanyeol could visibly see the other’s jaw clench and knuckles turn pale. Chanyeol never exposed him, merely laying his hand naturally on Baekhyun’s fists and rubbed circles on the back of his hand in a soothing manner. These episodes usually ended with either one of them falling asleep, and it was mostly Baekhyun for pain-endurance was draining and the chemo therapy took a toll on him.

In the first week of treatment, Baekhyun still remained his chatty self. When the members came to visit one morning, Baekhyun had just returned to the ward after a session of radiotherapy and it was an untimely visit. Despite the fatigue, Baekhyun still managed to prop himself up and entertained his six visitors with his usual flair.

‘Baekhyun hyung!’ Sehun dashed toward the hospital bed.

‘You look lively today,’ Minseok smiled.

Kyungsoo adjusted the duvet and pulled it up to cover Baekhyun’s chest. ‘I hope Park here is doing a good job,’ he was looking at Baekhyun but obviously attempting to bring Chanyeol down.

Baekhyun chuckled at the decade-long love-hate relationship between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. ‘Chanyeol’s been great – his snores at night are thunderous. I’m sure they’ve grown more serious now. Who knows what London’s done to him. So I have to make sure I take my medication and sleep earlier than him, or else I’d never be able to fall asleep! There’s no better motivation!’ Baekhyun laughed.

The morning flew by and the members brought takeaway back to the ward from the hospital canteen so they could continue their gathering. 

When visiting hours were over, the members filed out and each promised to visit him again soon. Chanyeol was the only one left, having received special permission from Dr. Cho.

Baekhyun slumped into the covers at once after the door closed behind Minseok who was the last to leave the ward. Baekhyun’s face had grown pale and Chanyeol had just noticed. They were all too caught up in the fun and games that no one even realized that Baekhyun’s medication had begun to wear off.

‘Can you pour me a glass of water?’ Baekhyun breathed shakily.

Chanyeol scrambled to his feet and carefully placed the straw into Baekhyun’s mouth.

Baekhyun was breathing heavily and fidgeting left and right as if finding a comfortable position.

‘Do you want to lie down, Baek?’

‘That’d be nice…’

Chanyeol punched the button on the remote and the bed gradually lowered with a mechanical buzz.

‘I’m tired…’ Baekhyun hummed.

‘You’ve had a long day. Go sleep, I’ll be right here when you wake up.’

 

By the time Baekhyun woke up, it was time to take his medication. The nurse was standing patiently by his bed and handed over two pills – one a ghastly shade of green and the other bright red. Baekhyun made a face and stared up at Chanyeol as if begging Chanyeol to relieve him of his medication. Chanyeol shook his head and personally handed him a cup of water. Baekhyun pouted and obediently swallowed the pills while brainwashing himself that they were just badly-coloured M&Ms.

‘I want to sit up now, Chanyeol…’

The bed buzzed to a halt and Baekhyun was seated comfortably upright.

A gasp escaped from Chanyeol’s mouth and he regretted it immediately. He had never wanted to whack himself on the head so bad, but it was all too late. His gasp had caught Baekhyun’s attention as he traced Chanyeol’s gaze and his eyes landed on the pillow behind him. He, too, exhaled shakily.

‘What is all this…?’ Baekhyun’s tone wavered as he held up a bunch of hair that was strewn on the pillow.

‘Baekhyun…’ Chanyeol moved his stool nearer to the bed, ‘Dr. Cho warned us about the side effects.’

‘What is all this?’ Baekhyun repeated. He seized yet another fistful of hair.

Chanyeol could see Baekhyun’s lower lip quiver as he scanned his bed for more evidence of his illness.

‘Tell me, Chanyeol! What is all this?’ He shrieked. As if in a frenzy, Baekhyun began sweeping the hair off his pillow and sheets furiously until he finally threw the pillow itself across the room and kicked the sheets off his bed. He panted heavily, his breaths shaky and ragged as he curled up his legs and hugged his knees. He looked tinier than ever, his body trembling in fear. Tears were streaming down his porcelain skin and Chanyeol did the only thing he knew. He wrapped the small figure in his arms as tight as he could, one hand stroking Baekhyun’s nape and the other patting him lightly on the back in a regular fashion. ‘This will all be over soon… It’s always been Baekhyun and Chanyeol against the world and this time will be no different…’ Chanyeol was just glad that Baekhyun couldn’t see the tears that were now rolling down his face. Everything will be okay. You will be okay. _We_ will be okay, Baek.

 

The weeks only grew harder. With every additional radiotherapy session, Baekhyun’s cheeks became more hollow, his collarbones more prominent and his smiles less vibrant. Chanyeol’s presence was the only beacon of light as he tried his best to treat Baekhyun as he had previously – shooting him sassy comments and feeding him the latest kpop gossip. But Baekhyun was in no mood to retort or respond, his head stuck in the clouds most of the time and merely replied with a half-hearted ‘Oh really?’ or ‘Yeah, of course’ here and there.

On his bad days, Baekhyun would have difficulty swallowing and Chanyeol would feed him soup. Whenever Baekhyun was feeling nauseous, Chanyeol would carry him to the toilet and prepare tissues and a wet towel for his post-throw up needs. Chanyeol also invested in a small collection of beanies and caps for when Baekhyun wanted to look his best but on most days, Baekhyun went with a navy cap with a white Nike logo sewn on it. It was a cap from his own closet that he always used to wear during his live gaming broadcasts. He never willingly took it off, not even when it was just himself and Chanyeol in the room.

Chanyeol remembered waking up one night to find Baekhyun’s bed empty. To his surprise and relief, he found Baekhyun rooted in front of the mirror in the toilet with his cap off. It was obvious that his hair was thinning and certain spots in particular were nearly clean. Chanyeol only ever saw Baekhyun with his cap off on the rare occasion that Baekhyun decided to take it off before bed. Other times, Baekhyun would simply wear it to sleep, no matter how uncomfortable it was. He called it his last sliver of dignity. That night, Chanyeol walked toward Baekhyun and circled him with his warm arms.

‘Let’s go back to bed, Baek.’ 

‘I look disgusting…’ Baekhyun’s voice was monotonous and hollow as if he had just stated a universal truth.

‘Byun Baekhyun, you’re the most beautiful human being I’ve ever come across.’ Chanyeol looked the shorter boy in the eye through their reflection on the mirror.

‘Why are you still here, Chanyeol? I’m pretty much sentenced to death already and look at me, I’m such a mess now…’ He was still staring at his reflection.

Chanyeol turned Baekhyun around by the shoulders. ‘If you think you can shoo me away so easily, then you’re gravely mistaken. You’re an angel, the kindest, gentlest, most loving person I know – and that’s why I’m staying. You’re going to get better.’

That night, Baekhyun got up a few more times and stumbled into the bathroom before Chanyeol had a chance to help him up. Chanyeol heard sounds of the other retching and coughing but all he could do was stand and wait. He had never felt so helpless.

Time and again, he would help Baekhyun back into bed and sit by his side until his breaths steadied and the ward was engulfed in Baekhyun’s soft whines. The next day would only be tougher than the previous one but Chanyeol was determined they’d make it through. That was the only acceptable resolution, nothing else would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> starting this note with a massive apology - I've said it once and I'll say it again, BYUNBAEK IS MY NUMBER ONE BIAS but for the sake of this fic, I'm sorry you had to go through that love :'(  
> just gonna pop the flashbacks references that I've quoted below - they're some of my favourite chanbaek moments especially when you see baek shiver and jump in a startled manner during this MMA 2016 speech, I'm so glad they're there for each other :")
> 
> ps. I'm not a medical student so my knowledge of hospitals, medical equipment and illnesses is woefully limited, so forgive me if you spot flaws relating to the aforementioned... 
> 
> ALSO if y’all could gimme a show of hands of whether you prefer DAY ver or NIGHT ver of CITYLIGHTS, that’d be great :”) the visuals of both the album and bbh’s photos inside are no joke!! i’m so torn bc DAY bbh is cute and youthful but NIGHT bbh is sexy as f*ck omg  
> which one are y’all gonna get?
> 
> finally, as always, thank you so much for reading and drop a comment or dm to say hi! xx
> 
> flashback references:  
> [disclaimer: not my videos, credits to owners]  
> Japan concert, mark of an angel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kg5gsdciXYc  
> EXO'luxion 2015, baek tearing up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTE5Mbab12A  
> MMA 2016: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLekg7durUQ  
> yeol protecting baek at the airport: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKNgFFTreHY


End file.
